Some students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Although
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
a lot of knowledge can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
likely push the
students
to improve in many aspects, some
students
think that it will be more beneficial for them to focus on their major.
This
essay will justify both views and
followed
Add a missing verb
be followed
show examples
by personal opinion. On the
one
hand, it is undeniable that some
campus
Fix the agreement mistake
campuses
show examples
have a curriculum that
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
opportunity to their
students
to learn another field.
One
of the
example
Change to a plural noun
examples
show examples
might involve Indonesia
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
create
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
a new program namely MBKM, which
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
the
students
to
carry
Verb problem
take
show examples
some courses outside their own major. To illustrate, a law student possibly
follow
Change the verb form
follows
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
psychology major.
This
can
be strongly enhance
Change the verb form
strongly enhance
show examples
the way of thinking, skills, and competency of the student
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might impactful
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
their core major. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
,
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
knowledge might help
student
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
to
strenghten
Correct your spelling
strengthen
the understanding of their
intellegence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
.
On the other hand
,
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
on a sole major might be seen as the best option for some fields in college.
The undergraduate
Correct article usage
Undergraduate
show examples
doctors,
for instance
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
tend to keep their self only on
this
major.
This
is because
this
major
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
a longer time to finish, compared to other majors. If they complete the qualification quickly, they will get
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
as soon as possible.
Moreover
, the hospital where they will work in the future
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
unlikely
require
Fix the infinitive
to require
show examples
the
compentancy
Correct your spelling
competency
from another field. In conclusion, there is a different preference about
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
another subjects
Replace the adjective
another subject
other subjects
show examples
that
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
relate to the major
one
. In my opinion,
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
another knowledge can be
one
of the
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
for
students
to support their main qualification and get
wider
Add an article
a wider
show examples
point of view.
Submitted by joyapakpahan on

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structure
Make sure the introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer's position, which will set a strong foundation for the essay.
coherence
Construct cohesive paragraphs with clear topic sentences and logical development of ideas. Aim for each paragraph to flow naturally to the next one, using linking words effectively.
conclusion
Ensure the conclusion summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's opinion in a clear and concise manner. The reader should be left with no doubt about the position held.
language
Use a broader range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express ideas. While the essay shows some range, there is room for improvement in lexical sophistication and variety in sentence construction.
examples
Include more relevant, specific examples to support your main points. Doing so will help bolster the argument and demonstrate a deep understanding of the topic.
task response
For task achievement, ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the prompt. This entails discussing both views and giving a personal opinion with adequate justification.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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