IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Labor-saving devices such as dishwashers and communication tools such as computers are supposed to make our lives easier. However, some people argue that these devices one make them more difficult. Does modern technology reduce or increase stress?

#devices #dishwashers #communication #tools #computers #lives #people #technology #stress
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In recent years, technology development has gained a major breakthrough in many areas. Some are of the view that cutting-edge
devices
 make their lives more convenient
while
 others have opposed ideas. I will examine both views before setting out my opinion on the matter.
To begin
 with, there is a variety of reasons why some
people
 usually consider modern
devices
 overburdened.
Firstly
, it is obvious that in order to use these
devices
 effectively they must make a little bit
Change preposition
of efforts
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efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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 in learning how to operate them. Yet it can be not completely easy for some
people
, especially the elderly who always
meet
Verb problem
encounter
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 trouble when updating new technologies.
Secondly
, there would be a number of rising costs during operation.
For example
, the computer can stop working if the users accidentally delete some radical files of the operating system. At that time, they must pay an amount of money for the technicians to fix it.
As a result
, it could make them more stressful.
However
, I strongly believe that modern
devices
 bring various convenience for users.
Initially
, being exhausted after working hours can make some
people
 start to realize the importance of the
devices
 which probably help them save their time and energy. Despite doing
manually
Correct pronoun usage
it manually
show examples
 by themselves, they can take advantage of these
devices
 to support them do housework.
Furthermore
, thanks to some
devices
 like computers or mobile phones,
people
 can easily connect to the rest of the world as long as they have
an
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apply
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internet access. Compared to the past when
people
 only could make direct calls, today’s applications
such
 as Facetime or Viber obviously help
people
 keep in touch
together with
 no-cost payment. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 argue that modern
devices
 make their lives more difficult, it seems to me that the advantages of these
devices
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
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than
Change preposition
apply
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these
Correct determiner usage
the
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 disadvantages.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your score in coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a more logical structure by having clear and concise topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph which directly relate to the thesis. Aim to use a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to better connect ideas within and across paragraphs.
Task Achievement
In terms of task achievement, ensure that your ideas are fully developed by elaborating on the points made with relevant examples or evidence. Each point discussed should explicitly link back to the question prompt, highlighting how it either supports or contrasts with the view that technology can increase stress.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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