IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Labor-saving devices such as dishwashers and communication tools such as computers are supposed to make our lives easier. However, some people argue that these devices one make them more difficult. Does modern technology reduce or increase stress?

#devices #dishwashers #communication #tools #computers #lives #people #technology #stress
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In recent years, technology development has gained a major breakthrough in many areas. Some are of the view that cutting-edge
devices
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 make their lives more convenient
while
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 others have opposed ideas. I will examine both views before setting out my opinion on the matter.
To begin
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 with, there is a variety of reasons why some
people
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 usually consider modern
devices
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 overburdened.
Firstly
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, it is obvious that in order to use these
devices
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 effectively they must make a little bit
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of efforts
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efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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 in learning how to operate them. Yet it can be not completely easy for some
people
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, especially the elderly who always
meet
Verb problem
encounter
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 trouble when updating new technologies.
Secondly
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, there would be a number of rising costs during operation.
For example
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, the computer can stop working if the users accidentally delete some radical files of the operating system. At that time, they must pay an amount of money for the technicians to fix it.
As a result
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, it could make them more stressful.
However
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, I strongly believe that modern
devices
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 bring various convenience for users.
Initially
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, being exhausted after working hours can make some
people
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 start to realize the importance of the
devices
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 which probably help them save their time and energy. Despite doing
manually
Correct pronoun usage
it manually
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 by themselves, they can take advantage of these
devices
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 to support them do housework.
Furthermore
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, thanks to some
devices
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 like computers or mobile phones,
people
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 can easily connect to the rest of the world as long as they have
an
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apply
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internet access. Compared to the past when
people
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 only could make direct calls, today’s applications
such
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 as Facetime or Viber obviously help
people
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 keep in touch
together with
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 no-cost payment. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 argue that modern
devices
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 make their lives more difficult, it seems to me that the advantages of these
devices
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outweighs
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outweigh
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than
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apply
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these
Correct determiner usage
the
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 disadvantages.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your score in coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a more logical structure by having clear and concise topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph which directly relate to the thesis. Aim to use a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to better connect ideas within and across paragraphs.
Task Achievement
In terms of task achievement, ensure that your ideas are fully developed by elaborating on the points made with relevant examples or evidence. Each point discussed should explicitly link back to the question prompt, highlighting how it either supports or contrasts with the view that technology can increase stress.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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