IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Consumer goods have become the most important of people's lives. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#consumer #goods #people #lives
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It is a common belief that the most significant aspect of
people
Use synonyms
’s
lives
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 is their
consumer
Use synonyms
goods
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will both discuss the
merit
Fix the agreement mistake
merits
show examples
 and demerits of
this
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 phenomenon and try to explore why
people
Use synonyms
 rely on these items. On the one hand, there are various reasons that
people
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 are counting on the
consumer
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 to live their
lives
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.
Firstly
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,
people
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 cannot live without the
consumer
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goods
Use synonyms
 which are so convenient for them.
This
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 is because these
goods
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 are all around
people
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’s
lives
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. To be more specific, a cell phone can do a lot for a person.
For example
Linking Words
, in the modern era,
people
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 choose to send an Email
instead
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 of sending a letter to their relatives overseas.
Consequently
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,
people
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 are more likely to choose an easy way to satisfy their
lives
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. Another advantage of counting on
consumer
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goods
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 is the prices of them.
In other words
Linking Words
, companies can easily make more products to reduce the price of
goods
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.
For example
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, some fast fashion companies announce new
clothes
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this
Linking Words
 month and probably reduce the price next month.
As a result
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,
people
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 will keep buying the
clothes
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 when they are cheaper.
On the other hand
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, the demerits of
consumer
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goods
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 and their cost cannot be ignored.
To begin
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 with, too
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
consumer
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goods
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such
Linking Words
 as fast fashion
clothes
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 can affect the environment.
This
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 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that a little pollution can be created in the production process.
For instance
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, there would be water pollution when they dye their
clothes
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 in different colours.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 conclusion,
although
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 there
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
disadvantage
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 environment, it is
deniable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
show examples
 that
people
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 in
this
Linking Words
 century cannot live without the convenience that
consumer
Use synonyms
goods
Use synonyms
 bring us.
Submitted by 68aimmia on

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Introduction
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the main points that will be discussed. Avoid generic statements and try to craft an introduction that sets a clear agenda for the essay.
Conclusion
Develop the concluding paragraph to effectively summarize the main arguments presented in the essay. Restate the thesis and the main points without introducing new information.
Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively. This could include using synonyms to avoid repetition, and transition words to show the relationship between ideas.
Paragraph Structure
Organize the essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea supported by specific examples. This helps give structure to the essay and guides the reader through your arguments.
Task Response
Address all parts of the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of consumer goods in detail. Ensure that your response is balanced and addresses the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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