Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

It has become apparent that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the foods and beverages that are produced today contain high concentrations of
sugar
which causes various
health
defects.
However
, I disagree with the solution
that is
raised for the issue and in
this
essay, I will analytically discuss the reasons for my disagreement. The first and foremost reason is, that the majority of sugary products are essential components of our everyday diet.
For example
, bread, rice and pasta are considered staple foods because they contribute significant amounts of calories to our regular body functions.
People
should obtain
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
average of three thousand kilo calories of energy per day and more than
two third
Correct your spelling
two-thirds
show examples
of it comes from above mentioned starchy food items. Increasing prices of
this
stuff would negatively affect
people
’s
health
and well-being, thereby, the public will suffer from malnutrition. On top of that,
although
sugary products are made out of the price range of the general public, the occurrence of
health
issues will not be stopped unless
people
are educated regarding healthy habits. Not only the consumption of sweet products
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
the over-consumption of starchy foods are
also
not beneficial for
health
because they indirectly add
a substantial amounts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a substantial amount
substantial amounts
show examples
of
sugar
to the body.
For example
, it has been scientifically proven that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
who eat more than three hundred grams of starch, have a risk of getting diabetes.
Therefore
, it is mandatory to make
people
aware of the importance of a balanced diet and the consequences of taking excess amounts of
sugar
.
This
way eventually reduces the high
sugar
intake of
people
and thereby, the government do not need to impose higher prices for sugary items. In conclusion, price increments will negatively impact regular staple diets as well.
However
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
better solution is to raise public awareness regarding healthy food habits and issues of excessive consumption of sweets. Through
this
,
people
will gradually move away from higher sweet intake and thereby, reduce the risk of non-communicable diseases.
Submitted by nipunianudhika1111 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Make sure to directly address the essay question and clearly state your position in the introduction. For instance, you can do this by using phrases like 'I firmly disagree with the notion that...' to make your stance immediately clear.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your paragraphs with a single main idea each, preceded by a topic sentence and followed by supporting details and examples. This will strengthen the cohesion of your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Utilize a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively. However, avoid overusing them to ensure the essay flows naturally.
Task Achievement
In the conclusion, succinctly summarize your points and clearly restate your position without introducing new arguments.
Task Achievement
Enhance your task achievement score by providing more relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. For enhanced effectiveness, draw on real-world data or studies where possible.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your main ideas are relevant to the central topic and directly answer the question posed. Each paragraph should contribute clearly to the overall argument you are making.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: