IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some sports are extremely dangerous for those who play them. Why do people participate in such sports? What measures could they take to minimize the risk involved?

There is no doubt that there are numerous
sports
Use synonyms
availiable
Correct your spelling
available
 all around the world which
involves
Correct subject-verb agreement
involve
show examples
 performing dangerous stunts and
risk
Wrong verb form
risking
show examples
 their lives for it . I will explain in
this
Linking Words
 essay
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why
athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
show examples
 like to participate in that
kind
Use synonyms
 of
games
Fix the agreement mistake
game
show examples
 and what
kind
Use synonyms
 of measures should sportsmen take to lower the risk in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 .
First,
Linking Words
people usually
partcipate
Correct your spelling
participate
 in
those
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
show examples
kind
Use synonyms
 of activities
due to
Linking Words
adrenaline
Correct article usage
the adrenaline
show examples
 rush and
also
Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
 pressure from social media . To illustrate ,
sports
Use synonyms
person
Use synonyms
 like to push
himself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 to
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 level always until they
did not
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reach their target and
this
Linking Words
 perhaps
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
 their motivation power to play more .
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, some
sportsperson
Fix the agreement mistake
sportspersons
show examples
 perform
Linking Words
this activities
Change the determiner
this activity
these activities
show examples
 for social media because
Add an article
the audience
show examples
audience
Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
show examples
 always critics about
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 performance of
sports
Use synonyms
person
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
show examples
 pressure
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
indviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 to give extra ordinary
performance
Fix the agreement mistake
performances
show examples
 to
audience
Add an article
the audience
an audience
show examples
 so that they write good comments and validate
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 performance in
positive
Change the article
a positive
show examples
 way .
However
Linking Words
 , those
kind
Use synonyms
 of dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 always come with risks .
For instance
Linking Words
 ,
sportsman
Add an article
a sportsman
show examples
 who
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 scuba diving has the
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 to lose oxygen at some level and the
person
Use synonyms
 could die if training is not proper .
Therefore
Linking Words
 , proper training with
risk
Correct article usage
a risk
show examples
 assessment plan
given
Add a missing verb
is given
show examples
 to
athlestes
Correct your spelling
athletes
 before participating
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 any game .
Also
Linking Words
 , safety
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 provided to athletes to prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
injury .
For instance
Linking Words
 ,
cricket
Correct article usage
a cricket
show examples
 batsman wear
helmet
Add an article
a helmet
show examples
 in the field in order to prevent his face from
high
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
speed
ball
Fix the agreement mistake
balls
show examples
 coming towards him. In conclusion,
Training
Add an article
a Training
the Training
show examples
 plan is essential for each
Use synonyms
sports
Correct your spelling
sportsperson
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 before participating
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 to reduce their chances of injury .
Also
Linking Words
 ,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should implement more rules and regulations for the safety measures of
sports
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
persons
show examples
 in the field and
also
Linking Words
 check safety procedures after 4 months .

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the main points of the given topic; however, it falls short of expanding on those points with in-depth explanations and relevant examples. Provide more detailed explanations or case studies to thoroughly support your points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is adequately maintained. To improve, consider organizing your ideas more clearly by using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, and make the progression of your arguments more evident through improved transitions between points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but could be improved by making your thesis statement and concluding remarks more impactful. Be sure to restate your main points and provide a concise summary or final thoughts in your conclusion.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adrenaline rush
  • thrill-seeking
  • physical and mental boundaries
  • peer pressure
  • media influence
  • cultural norms
  • livelihood
  • extensive training
  • state-of-the-art
  • safety equipment
  • governing bodies
  • regulations
  • supervision
  • risk assessment
  • emergency plans
  • minimize risks
What to do next:
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