As we are facing more and more problems which affect the whole planet, good relationships between different countries are becoming more important than ever before. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The whole
planet
is facing more problems that affect many
countries
at the same time
such
as global warming, environmental pollution, loss of biodiversity, and humanitarian crises. when
such
issues
are evolving beyond
control
Correct pronoun usage
our control
show examples
, we may need the help of others.
This
is why I agree that good relationships between different
countries
are becoming more important than ever before. Many news headlines over the past two decades keep referring to climate change as
one
of the most important factors people need to pay attention to. Climate change encompasses many factors,
one
of which is global warming. In the case of global warming, the leading causes may be deforestation and high
carbon
emission levels. These two factors can be linked to developing
countries
that rely on primary and secondary economic sectors, dealing with the extraction and manufacture of raw materials. Other
nations
rely on these developing
countries
not only for their natural resources but
also
for their cheap manual labour. The affordable human resources in these regions can lead to corporations opting for less environmentally friendly methods that increase
carbon
emissions.
Countries
around the world may blame developing
nations
for the increase in global warming
for
this
reason, but the economic connections show us that the blame is to be shared equally and solutions need to be developed collaboratively.
Moreover
, the
planet
's problems can
also
be linked to environmental pollution. Studies show that
while
each human being has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
own
carbon
footprint, large corporations are to be held accountable for their
carbon
emissions. When these businesses release high
carbon
emissions, it can contaminate the natural
environment
with too much
carbon
.
This
can
consequently
lead to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
increase in other toxins that make it more difficult for human beings to purify the air we breathe, the water we drink, and the food we consume. The
issues
of global warming and environmental pollution can be linked to the loss of biodiversity. As we may be aware, the earth's ecosystem is intricately intertwined which means that events happening in
one
region can have several ripple effects in other places.
For example
, the aforementioned factor of global warming can make the climate unbearable for some animal and plant species to survive in their natural habitat.
While
it may be challenging for some people to realise the connection between human beings and plants and animals around us, it is undeniable that we need these various species to maintain a harmonious natural
environment
that will help us manage the
planet
's
carbon
issue and maintain a proper global temperature.
While
the maintenance of a good natural
environment
is important, we cannot ignore the struggles of our fellow human beings. Many communities around the world are facing oppression and/ or war that forces them into poverty and displacement.
Nations
need to develop ways to help
such
disadvantaged people leave their dangerous living situations by helping them seek asylum in other
countries
and providing them with shelter and work. Some
countries
may hesitate to provide asylum
due to
not only their lack of resources but
also
their xenophobia.
These
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
severity of the
issues
our
planet
is facing right now helps us understand why it is vital for
nations
to establish positive relations with
one
another in order to develop and implement ways to mitigate, if not prevent, them. As individuals, we keep ourselves more informed by reading the news, verifying their credibility, and holding our governments accountable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
solving these
issues
for the greater good of human society and the natural
environment
.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a single clear idea or argument to support the thesis. This will improve clarity and coherence throughout the essay. Additionally, transition sentences between paragraphs will enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support arguments. Data, case studies, or historical examples add credibility and depth to your arguments and would boost the relevancy and impact of the essay.
task achievement
Expand on the conclusion to reflect on the implications of the arguments presented or suggest potential solutions. This would provide a more comprehensive and thought-provoking close to the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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