As we are facing more and more problems which affect the whole planet, good relationships between different countries are becoming more important than ever before. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#planet #relationships #countries

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The whole

planet

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is facing more problems that affect many

countries

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at the same time

such

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as global warming, environmental pollution, loss of biodiversity, and humanitarian crises. when

such

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issues

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are evolving beyond

control

Correct pronoun usage

our control

show examples

, we may need the help of others.

This

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is why I agree that good relationships between different

countries

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are becoming more important than ever before. Many news headlines over the past two decades keep referring to climate change as

one

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of the most important factors people need to pay attention to. Climate change encompasses many factors,

one

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of which is global warming. In the case of global warming, the leading causes may be deforestation and high

carbon

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emission levels. These two factors can be linked to developing

countries

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that rely on primary and secondary economic sectors, dealing with the extraction and manufacture of raw materials. Other

nations

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rely on these developing

countries

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not only for their natural resources but

also

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for their cheap manual labour. The affordable human resources in these regions can lead to corporations opting for less environmentally friendly methods that increase

carbon

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emissions.

Countries

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around the world may blame developing

nations

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for the increase in global warming

for

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this

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reason, but the economic connections show us that the blame is to be shared equally and solutions need to be developed collaboratively.

Moreover

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, the

planet

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's problems can

also

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be linked to environmental pollution. Studies show that

while

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each human being has

their

Correct pronoun usage

its

show examples

own

carbon

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footprint, large corporations are to be held accountable for their

carbon

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emissions. When these businesses release high

carbon

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emissions, it can contaminate the natural

environment

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with too much

carbon

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This

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can

consequently

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lead to

the

Correct article usage

show examples

increase in other toxins that make it more difficult for human beings to purify the air we breathe, the water we drink, and the food we consume. The

issues

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of global warming and environmental pollution can be linked to the loss of biodiversity. As we may be aware, the earth's ecosystem is intricately intertwined which means that events happening in

one

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region can have several ripple effects in other places.

For example

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, the aforementioned factor of global warming can make the climate unbearable for some animal and plant species to survive in their natural habitat.

While

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it may be challenging for some people to realise the connection between human beings and plants and animals around us, it is undeniable that we need these various species to maintain a harmonious natural

environment

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that will help us manage the

planet

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carbon

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issue and maintain a proper global temperature.

While

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the maintenance of a good natural

environment

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is important, we cannot ignore the struggles of our fellow human beings. Many communities around the world are facing oppression and/ or war that forces them into poverty and displacement.

Nations

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need to develop ways to help

such

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disadvantaged people leave their dangerous living situations by helping them seek asylum in other

countries

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and providing them with shelter and work. Some

countries

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may hesitate to provide asylum

due to

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not only their lack of resources but

also

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their xenophobia.

These

Correct determiner usage

The

show examples

severity of the

issues

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our

planet

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is facing right now helps us understand why it is vital for

nations

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to establish positive relations with

one

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another in order to develop and implement ways to mitigate, if not prevent, them. As individuals, we keep ourselves more informed by reading the news, verifying their credibility, and holding our governments accountable

Change preposition

for

show examples

solving these

issues

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for the greater good of human society and the natural

environment

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Submitted by asllchkied on Mon Jan 29 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph presents a single clear idea or argument to support the thesis. This will improve clarity and coherence throughout the essay. Additionally, transition sentences between paragraphs will enhance the logical flow.

task achievement

Include more specific examples to support arguments. Data, case studies, or historical examples add credibility and depth to your arguments and would boost the relevancy and impact of the essay.

task achievement

Expand on the conclusion to reflect on the implications of the arguments presented or suggest potential solutions. This would provide a more comprehensive and thought-provoking close to the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

582 words

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As we are facing more and more problems which affect the whole planet, good relationships between different countries are becoming more important than ever before. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for the environment?

Some people say that success is "10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work". Is hard work the key to success, or is talent also important

Nowadays youngsters are less polite and less respectful than in the past. What do you think are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this issue?