Some people think that schools should remove art classes and focus on more important subjects such as mathematics and science. Do the advantages of cutting art classes outweigh the disadvantages?
In
this
contemporary epoch, some people believe that subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
which
specializing in Correct pronoun usage
apply
art
is
not as essential as Correct subject-verb agreement
are
scientific
Correct article usage
the scientific
field
and math comparing
to the numerous Wrong verb form
compared
of
interest Change preposition
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
it
in the past. Correct pronoun usage
apply
However
, is it really justifiable to
all sectors? I personally contend that the benefit of providing an Change preposition
for
art
class is still adventageous
for students up till now, which I will discuss in the next forthcoming paragraphs.
Correct your spelling
advantageous
To begin
with, firstly
, human has two sides of brain capabilities, which are the left side and the right one. The
Left-sided people will tend to think critically in Correct article usage
apply
analytical
way, Change the article
an analytical
created
an interest in mathematics or science. Wrong verb form
creating
However
, the right-sided people will find it enjoyable when it comes to imagination, artistic things, and able
to accomplish an innovation in a creative way. Add a missing verb
being able
Therefore
, we cannot force anyone to work in the same field
. For instance
, someone who used to work in logical
way would be Change the article
a logical
distress
when they have to handle a job majoring in Wrong verb form
distressed
art
to replace their colleague who is feeling unwell, such
as graphic
Correct article usage
a graphic
design
or content creator. Replace the word
designer
In contrast
with
Change preposition
apply
they whom
are immensely Correct pronoun usage
those who
dive
into Wrong verb form
dived
art
, which able to finish it within a day, vice
versa.
Correct word choice
and vice
On the other hand
, nowadays art
clasess
Correct your spelling
classes
are
decided to be removed Verb problem
have
due to
less
career opportunities and low Change the quantifier
fewer
salary
in Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
this
industry. Hence
, the following factors caused some artist gaving
up on their interest and prefer to work in the Correct your spelling
giving
field
that they are
actually Unnecessary verb
apply
not
enjoy in, for the sake of revenue. Without a doubt, it is an Add a missing verb
do not
irrifutable
fact that the salary in the scientific Correct your spelling
irrefutable
field
is tend
to be much higher rather in any other job. Wrong verb form
tends
However
, it can never determine
that Wrong verb form
be determined
art
clasess
should be completely disabled, since there are plenty of advantages Correct your spelling
classes
class
from
facilitating an Change preposition
to
art
course, like developing the cultural heritage of a country and traditional things through art
. The government should take actions
to develop and facilitate any artist in achieving their career Fix the agreement mistake
action
such
as giving scholarships or job opportunities.
To sum up
, the drawbacks of removing an art
class still
overbalanced by the advantages, since the Add a missing verb
are still
art
itself will empower a nation's true identity through its culture. Furthermore
, it is clear that
the idea of disabling art
clasess
cannot be supported. Correct your spelling
classes
Overall
, both fields can be a worthwhile potency for the future of economic growth.Submitted by naurah.ar31 on
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Task Achievement
While the essay generally presents clear main ideas and opinions, the development of these ideas could benefit from more specific examples to support the arguments. Consider incorporating concrete instances or data that illustrate the points about the importance of art classes and the potential job opportunities art can create.
Coherence & Cohesion
There's a sensible structure to your essay, with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the logical organization of ideas within paragraphs could be improved. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point, and systematically develop this main point with supporting sentences that are clearly connected to it. This will improve the flow of ideas and enhance the essay's coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present and generally set out the writer's position, they could be enhanced by providing a clearer overview of the main points that will be discussed in the essay, and by summarizing the main points more distinctly in the conclusion without introducing new information.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.