IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

«Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation» To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#«some #artists #sums #money #struggle #governments #steps #situation»
It is argued that numerous
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 having difficulties
to maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
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 their regular life
while
 some digital creators are being paid vast
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of money.
While
 other
believes
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believe
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 that some possible steps should be taken by the Government to address
this
 imbalanced issue,
i
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I
show examples
supposed
Add a missing verb
am supposed
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 to be
an
Correct article usage
the
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 opposite thinker. To commence with, survival needs are tough to attain for some artist because of the lowest payment
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their digital field.
Therefore
, it is
considerd
Correct your spelling
considered
 as a non-fair method to an artist
while
 they do not get enough money as they expected.
For instance
, the proportion of digital marketing known as
primary
Add an article
the primary
show examples
 stage is designed with
low cost
Add a hyphen
low-cost
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 materials as they
minimul
Correct your spelling
minimal
amount
 to their
workers
.
As a result
 , compared to the lower stage, the premium surface is more developed and costlier as well. Modern developers would remain
unexpert
Correct word choice
inexperienced
show examples
 if they get paid as same as more expert creators.
Thus
, every part of art should be organised by the level of cost and pay
according to
 the difficulties in making progress. In
this
 way , experienced
workers
 will get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fair
amount
 and newbies
are
Verb problem
will
show examples
also
 be treated as their experience.
Moreover
, governmental decisions
for paying
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to pay
show examples
fair
Add an article
a fair
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digital
workers
 could be
detrimenal
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 for private developers as they need high security and diverse options for their clients.
To
Change preposition
In
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this
 situation,
tremendous
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a tremendous
the tremendous
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 number of new
creator
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creators
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 will be diminished
due to
 the reason of hiring only
well knowledge
Add a hyphen
well-knowledge
show examples
 people.
Moreover
,
workers
 should be rewarded based on their work not on ethical
senses
Fix the agreement mistake
sense
show examples
 of humor.
To conclude
, though
non-balanced
Correct article usage
a non-balanced
show examples
 payment method could
led
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lead
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
fighting
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to fight
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with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 life ,
nevertheless
, everyone should not judge on the same
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cost.
Submitted by farjanaakterrikta8 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on organizing your ideas more logically, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded upon with supporting details.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include an introduction and a conclusion that clearly state your position on the topic and succinctly summarize your main points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop your main points more thoroughly with explanations and relevant, specific examples to effectively support your arguments.
Task Achievement
Make sure to address the task directly by stating to what extent you agree or disagree and providing arguments to support your stance throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Clarify your ideas by providing a more detailed explanation, offering a clear line of thought that the reader can easily follow.
Task Achievement
Use examples to illustrate your points where possible, but be sure they are relevant and enhance the understanding of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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