Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

The intervention of the
government
to have access towards
people
's gizmo,
such
as call
records
and messages, has become debatable today. Some contend that the
government
should allow
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
do that for public
security
reasons,
while
others argue that it is too private information to give.
This
essay will examine both views before presenting a concerned conclusion. On one hand, proponents of
this
view believe that giving
citizens
call
records
and
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
is important to enhance national public
security
.
This
is because a study reveals that there is an increasing number of black market cases that have been done by many
people
through having a secret call with others as their transaction.
For example
, individual
people
sell personal
data
from public figures on the black market secretly to get profits. If the
government
has
citizens
' phone
data
, there is a possibility for tracking unusual conversations which potentially
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to harm to public
security
. So that
this
problem might be prevented.
On the other hand
, opponents think that providing communication
records
on our phones free access for the
government
can result in negative effects. One of them is that
people
will have an apprehensive feeling about realizing that the
government
can freely check their daily conversation because it is too private.
Consequently
, they might declare a
critic
Replace the word
criticism
show examples
on social media or show a demonstration directly to the
government
. From my perspective, both views are valid but it will be better to let the
government
have all of the
data
records
for public
security
importance.
However
, the ruler should make a strict rule to ensure
citizens
'
data
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
being shared publicly.
In other words
,
this
data
is just meant for the ruler and should be used wisely. In conclusion,
while
some worry about sharing their call
records
and messages with the
government
, others believe that
this
action should be allowed for public
security
safety. I argue that the
government
has the right to
this
action and must have strict rules about using
citizens
'
data
for true purposes.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly outline both sides of the argument and your own opinion in the introduction to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Try to have a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay, ensuring that each paragraph naturally follows from the one before.
coherence cohesion
Expand on main points with specific examples or further explanation to strengthen arguments.
coherence cohesion
Restate both views and your opinion in the conclusion to neatly wrap up the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay directly addresses all parts of the task, clearly presenting the arguments for both sides and stating your opinion.
task achievement
Develop your main ideas more comprehensively, potentially by adding more detailed examples or explanations.
task achievement
Use a wider range of structures and vocabulary to clearly express nuances and details in your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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