IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Sme people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reason for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#sme #people #lives #reason
In the modern world, the residents have a major impact on many
people
's lives. Some
people
 prefer living near the area where they were born.
This
 essay will describe both the benefits and drawbacks of
this
 trend, including reasonable reasons.
To begin
 with, there are various reasons to live near the home town they were born.
Firstly
, In the case of older parents, they would take off their parents.
For example
, provided insurance or travel with parents.
Secondly
, they can participate in or communicate with old friends.
Thirdly
, they can reduce stress from their jobs.
For instance
, some
people
 have stress they should decrease stress by talking with family to help solve the cause.
Lastly
, a home town is more comfortable than a new place to live Because they really know about the areas.
On the other hand
, there are some drawbacks of living near their hometown if some
people
 live far from their hometown they would forget information about the traditional cultures of their country.
Moreover
, they would really fear change.
For example
, they don't have brave for doing the new things.
In addition
, many hometowns are rural areas that don't have job opportunities. In conclusion, it can be seen that many
people
 want to continue living in their hometown because they really love and need mental support from family.
However
,
it is clear that
 from my perspective is undeniable
due to
 less experience in other areas.
Submitted by kungslowjam on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your score for Coherence and Cohesion, focus on clear paragraphing, proper use of linking words, and a logical order of information. Your essay currently presents ideas in a structure that can be followed, but transitions between them can be smoother. Additionally, make sure that each paragraph has a distinct main idea and develops it fully with supporting sentences.
Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, ensure that you directly address all parts of the prompt to achieve a complete response. While your essay touches upon several relevant points, elaborating further on the reasons, and providing more balanced discussion on the advantages and disadvantages with clear examples will enhance your Task Achievement score. Try to include specific examples for each point to illustrate your ideas clearly.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Familiarity
  • Community ties
  • Economic constraints
  • Multigenerational housing
  • Cultural norms
  • Sense of belonging
  • Social circle
  • Long-term friendships
  • Proximity
  • Hesitance
  • Relocate
  • Local culture
What to do next:
Look at other essays: