IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people think that government should regulate technological improvements because of people’s privacy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #improvements #people’s #privacy
Nowadays extremely increase
new
Change preposition
in new
show examples
 technologies, a
number
 of
people
 consider that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should regulate
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 system. But
other thing
Change the wording
another thing
other things
show examples
 it will cause
people
's privacy. I completely agree with
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 side of
people
 who consider that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should regulate technology and I have some
argue
Replace the word
arguments
show examples
 about it.
One
Change preposition
On one
show examples
 side
people
 who
against
Add a missing verb
are against
show examples
 control and
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 behind their privacy,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
think that it
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 a lot of problems and
disturb
Correct subject-verb agreement
disturbs
show examples
 them.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 when
people
chatting
Wrong verb form
chat
show examples
 or communicate with someone it will leave
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 doubt
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
every time
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have been regulating.
However
, they do not take into account that it will make
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 more secure and help to decrease
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of
swindle
Replace the word
swindling
show examples
People
 believe that it will make their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 better and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
fall
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 the
number
 of internet
scammer
Fix the agreement mistake
scammers
show examples
. These days
consequently
 popular selling drugs through
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. In the USA
amounts
Fix the agreement mistake
amount
show examples
 of
seller
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 drugs
consist
Verb problem
is
show examples
 probably 34%
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
courses
Verb problem
causes
show examples
 a huge problem. Meantime
when
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 public
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not want to control
account
Correct article usage
the account
show examples
 of swindle rocketry rice.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 2 days ago my neighbor was the of a crime.
At his
Change preposition
His
show examples
 bank account
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 off large
number
 of money.
Fortunately
Add a comma
Fortunately,
show examples
 hide quality technology and cybersecurity they immediately found swindle. That's why it's necessary management Sum up, I completely agree with
people
 that government governance
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 our life safer.
Submitted by ina1_95 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure clear structure with introduction, supporting paragraphs, and conclusion. Use clear topic sentences.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on logical connectors and transitions to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use more varied and complex sentence structures to improve clarity and flow.
Task Achievement
Address the task fully by covering all parts of the prompt evenly to show a well-developed argument.
Task Achievement
Clarify and expand your ideas in each paragraph to fully support your argument, avoiding overly general statements.
Task Achievement
Include well-chosen examples that are directly related to your main points and analyze them to demonstrate their relevance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: