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Writing Samples /
Band 4

People should be allowed to continue to work as long as the want to, and not be forced to retire at a particular age such as 60 or 65. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experiences.

#people #work #want #age #experiences
Career and making money play an essential role in our lives.Yet, some folk believe is not important
employees
Change preposition
for employees
show examples
continue
Fix the infinitive
to continue
show examples
 to work and not
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
necessary to
retired
Change the verb
retire
show examples
 at a particular age when they get older.I
am strongly disagree
Change the verb form
strongly disagree
show examples
 that workers should be allowed to continue to work as
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 want to. In
this
 essay, I will explain why. Some people believe that, It is not be forced employee to
retaire
Correct your spelling
retire
 when get older and
also
 they can earn a lot of money and fulfil their needs.
However
, I believe that when you get older you carry out conduct work hard as when you
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 young.
Therefore
,
It is clear that
 you
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not enough energy because when you
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 older your body structure will
be changed
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
.
Moreover
, you refuse to have enough time to meet your friends or you do not have a bond with your families.
As a result
, you can not share your emotions.
Thus
, It is probable you will have mental illness equally as stress because you can not
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
communicate with your family or
freinds
Correct your spelling
friends
.
On the other hand
, If you can
done
Change the verb form
do
be done
show examples
 anything as well
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
you can continue your job when you
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 older.
In addition
, you not only make a host of
mony
Correct your spelling
money
many
,but
also
 you buy something have ever you want. But, In my opinion,when you get older it is better for you that can go to travel and visit new places with your families and make a good memory of them. In conclusion,we have a large number of pros that when you approach older you should be retired. So, you have a lot of time with your family and you can go to travel.
In addition
,
you get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 sick or depressed is not easy.
Submitted by bazarjanimohammadreza83 on

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introduction
Make sure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your position. Use an engaging hook to draw the reader in and construct a precise thesis statement.
coherence
Organize your ideas into clear, coherent paragraphs each centered around a single main point. Begin with a topic sentence that states the point clearly.
examples
Support your main points with specific examples or reasons. Use relevant anecdotes or evidence from studies to strengthen your argument.
conclusion
Create a concise conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position in a fresh way. Ensure that your closing remarks give resolution to the argument.
task response
Enhance your task response by fully addressing the prompt. Ensure you provide a balanced view if the question requires it and make your arguments comprehensive.
logical structure
Use appropriate transitions to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs, which improves the logical flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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