In many contries shopping onlines is replacing shopping in stores. Discuss the advantage and disadvantage.

In
this
massive change of technology phenomenon, there is a shifting of
people
's behaviour towards shopping where nowadays citizens tend to buy goods on stream rather than offline in stores.
While
some
people
think online shopping might be exposed to potential fraud,
on the contrary
, I believe it
beneficial
Add a missing verb
is beneficial
show examples
for busy
people
which can save
money
and time to travel. On the one hand, our technological advancement has allowed us to do several activities from using only a single phone,
such
as shopping and mobile banking payment, without
needed
Wrong verb form
needing
show examples
to travel to the actual shops. For some
citizens
Add a comma
citizens,
show examples
it is favorable because it can value their time and
money
. There are several virtual
shops
Change the noun form
shop
show examples
applications scattered over the internet which
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
individuals to effortlessly seek their
necessity
Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
show examples
on stream
while
doing other activities.
Moreover
, they
also
can straightforwardly
made
Change the verb form
make
be made
show examples
a payment and
waiting
Wrong verb form
wait
show examples
for the products
being
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
delivered by the vendor within three days.
However
, those who oppose virtual stores may point out the potential dangers
such
as deception and human errors.
For instance
, when making online
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
show examples
our identity would be easily exposed to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hackers once our data is
spreading
Wrong verb form
spread
show examples
out through the internet.
In addition
, virtual shoppers can only see the picture of the products, not the actual
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
.
Furthermore
, there will be a chance of human errors
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
,
such
as transferring the wrong amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
. Most younger
people
are able to avoid these complications but older users are particularly vulnerable to fraud. In conclusion, individuals must be mindful of potential fraud,
however
, virtual stores are clearly beneficial technological
advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
show examples
which bring more
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
such
as
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
and
money
needed to buy commodities.
Submitted by hiitsmeee on

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coherence cohesion
The essay generally presents a logical structure, but to enhance, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the connection between points could be strengthened. Ensure each paragraph leads naturally to the next.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction with a clear thesis statement and a conclusion that restates the main points effectively. Both should be clearly distinguishable and summarise the discussion appropriately.
coherence cohesion
Each main point within the body of the essay should be supported with clear examples or evidence. Increase the range and depth of examples to bolster your arguments.
task achievement
Fully address the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages in equal measure, and ensure that the argument encapsulates all aspects of the question.
task achievement
Develop ideas clearly and systematically throughout your essay. Each paragraph should have a main idea followed by comprehensive elaboration.
task achievement
Introduce more specific examples to support your points. This provides a detailed and nuanced understanding of the topic, enhancing the reader's engagement and the validity of your arguments.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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