IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that computer games are bad for children by all means; others believe that these games are contributing to children’s development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #computer #games #children #children’s #development
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Due to
Linking Words
 the advancement of technology
games
Use synonyms
 are available everywhere and
children
Use synonyms
loves
Change the verb form
love
show examples
 to play as computer
games
Use synonyms
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
 pleasure to the
children
Use synonyms
 and
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
overall
Linking Words
 personality. Some people
argure
Correct your spelling
argue
 that it is beneficial for the younger ones because
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
games
Use synonyms
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 them in enormous ways
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue that it has adverse effects on their physical and mental
health
Use synonyms
 . I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 with the notion that it is
Add an article
the worse
a worse
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worse
Correct word choice
worst
show examples
 thing to play
while
Linking Words
 sitting
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same place for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time .
To begin
Linking Words
 with, new video
games
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been introduced in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society because it is a source of entertainment and knowledge. With these
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
Use synonyms
games
Add a comma
games,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 learn different techniques which emphasize
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their information and skills .
Moreover
Linking Words
, operating
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 become
convenient
Correct article usage
a convenient
show examples
 and easy method
thus
Linking Words
 , they have access to new
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
.
Futuremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, in
this
Linking Words
 modern era, playing online
games
Use synonyms
 become a source of earning and
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
 have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
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 to make friends on social platforms.
For instance
Linking Words
, as per
New
Correct article usage
a New
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 York survey
millons
Correct your spelling
millions
 of young ones play
games
Use synonyms
 and support themselves financially and become independent.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 firmly believe that it has
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 because
children
Use synonyms
 choose
playing
Change the verb form
to play
show examples
 online over physical exercises . In
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term ,
due to
Linking Words
 lack
Change preposition
of exercise
show examples
exercise
Add a comma
exercise,
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 the problem of obesity has increased in youngsters which will
be invited
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 other
health
Use synonyms
 complications like poor heart
health
Use synonyms
 and cholesterol. By using high internet , computers and laptops
emits
Change the verb form
emit
show examples
 harmful
radiations
Fix the agreement mistake
radiation
show examples
 which causes infertility ,
drain
Correct subject-verb agreement
drains
show examples
brains
Correct article usage
the brains
show examples
 and has negative effects on
thr
Correct your spelling
the
 eyes .
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors majority of the
children
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 fighting
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
harmful diseases over
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 decade.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
side
Correct article usage
the side
show examples
 effects of using
computers
Change the noun form
computer
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 are more
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compared to their benefits because if physical and intellectual memory become weak
then
Linking Words
 there is no advantage
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 having
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 knowledge.
Health
Use synonyms
 should be
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
priority for everyone and
children
Use synonyms
 should use their time wisely and do exercises daily.
Submitted by Kaurharvinder2984 on

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