IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Most developing countries are given aid from international organizations to help them in their development plans. Some people argue that financial aid is important but others suggest that practical aid and advice are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #aid #organizations #development #plans #people #advice
Many people argue that developing
countries
 are given
support
 from global groups to enhance future determinations.
Although
 some people argue that practical
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
advice
aid
 plays an important role, I believe that financial
aid
 is more crucial. On the one hand, the idea of
acquired
Wrong verb form
acquiring
show examples
pr
Correct your spelling
PR
show examples
 from developed and empire regions is beneficial
due to
 the application for transformations.
This
 is because, in undeveloped
countries
, intellectual labours are not substantial as not offer an appealing education, hardly compared to other
countries
 or the appearance of brain drain.
For example
, Koreans have been using Japan’s educational curriculums so that they have generated high-quality outcomes, albeit they did not need to be strenuous to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research in
this
 field.
As a result
, it can be said that each country needs to seek efficient methods by providing pieces of advice worldwide.
On the other hand
, I am of the opinion that financial
aid
 is more virtual for supporting developments and expanding.
This
 can be explained by the fact that unprosperous
countries
 with low limitations of expenditures can not provide sufficient
support
 for both citizens and infrastructure, leading to no fluctuation over the years.
For instance
, Korea is given
support
 from the USA, invests in art, music, military and education, and witnessed breakthroughs in these fields, becoming one of the most developed
countries
 in Asia.
Consequently
, numerous
countries
 are expecting to receive financial assistance for organizations to spend on their needs. In conclusion,
although
support
 by practical guides can somewhat contribute to the improvements of
countries
, I believe that financial
aid
 is fundamental
according to
 various goals worldwide, it is advisable that regions over the world can concentrate on helping others to get rid of shortages.
Submitted by nguyetcat.dao on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve your score in Task Achievement, further develop and expand on your arguments. Concrete examples demonstrating the importance of financial aid or practical advice would help to substantiate your points and give weight to your argument, leading to a higher score.
Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of Coherence and Cohesion, work on the logical structure of your essay. Consider paragraphing more effectively to differentiate your points clearly. Additionally, use transitional phrases to improve the flow and connect ideas naturally.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Supported Main Points, ensure that each point you make is elaborated upon with specific and relevant examples or explanations. This will help in creating a more compelling and persuasive essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: