In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Children
are able to get everything whether they do their upmost
- It is told in several societies. Though Correct your spelling
utmost
this
can motivate children
to conquere
different ups and downs of their lives, there are Correct your spelling
conquer
also
some negative effects of this
kind of motivation.
On the one hand, children
often feel downhearted in different situations. It is a must for the senior members of a society to push them to acheive
their goals. Correct your spelling
achieve
Besides
, there are not only physical fitness but also
mental strength are
needed to Correct subject-verb agreement
is
work
towards life goals. Additionally
, sometimes children
are blissfully unware
Correct your spelling
unaware
about
their potential powers. Change preposition
of
Then
, they feel depressed whether they fail to reach their ambitions. Here, this kind
of inspirational words can make them Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
work
harder and hard work
mostly never ends in a
unexpected result. It tends to ensure that Change the article
an
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
what
people want.
Add a missing verb
are what
On the other hand
, the competency and mental strength of all the children
could not be equal. There might be some physical or mental obstacles to work in
a full pace. Wrong verb form
working
Then
, the assurance of anything by trying hard could not be true. Children
who have been suffering in
attention deficiencies Change preposition
from
have
not enough power to aim Add a missing verb
do have
something
strongly. They might not Change preposition
for something
acheive
everything Correct your spelling
achieve
and
that Correct word choice
but
do
not refer to Change the verb form
does
the
lack of trying. Correct article usage
a
Furthermore
, in this
era of technology, there are a huge number of factors beside
trying to achieve something. Change preposition
besides
For instance
, the poor boys go
to the nearest school in a Correct pronoun usage
who go
third world
country might be unable to get awards in a science olympiad. They have potential but they Add a hyphen
third-world
have
not enough equipment. So, the advice to Add a missing verb
do have
work
harder to achieve award
or something might not be useful for them. Add an article
an award
Furthermore
, this
kind of motivation often create
the mentality of Change the verb form
creates
competetion
Correct your spelling
competition
instead
of help. This
will be harmful for
Change the preposition
to
a
society in Correct article usage
apply
a
long run.
In conclusion, it can be Correct article usage
the
told
thatVerb problem
said
,
Remove the comma
apply
this
message has both advantages and disadvantages. If the
society is able to deliver Correct article usage
apply
this
message in a
right way that will be helpful for Correct article usage
the
children
. Otherwise
, this
message will cause physical and mental issues to children
in differet
aspects.Correct your spelling
different
Submitted by ashiqbillah99 on
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coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that ideas are not only listed but also logically connected to one another. Work on using a wider range of linking words and phrases to create a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Develop your introduction and conclusion more fully. They should clearly state the topic and the writer's viewpoint in the introduction, and effectively summarize the main points and restate the opinion in the conclusion, without adding new information.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed with balanced treatment of the advantages and disadvantages. Expand on ideas with more detail, and include specific, relevant examples that illustrate the points being made.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example