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Band 5

Some people belive that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinión

#people #belive #situation #job #shortage #money #situations #opinión
According to
 some
people
, we should accept unacceptable situations like an unsatisfactory profession or scarcity of money.
However
, others believe that,
instead
 we should try to improve those situations. I personally believe that
,
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 surviving in an unacceptable situation should not be accepted rather trying to improve it would be beneficial.
People
 have to continue a
job
 they are not satisfied with because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
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 the competitive
job
 market, it is sometimes not easy to secure a
job
. Even more importantly, finding a
job
 which would provide them satisfaction
as well as
 earnings is sometimes quite impossible.
Consequently
, some
people
 believe that
,
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 it is better to move on with
a
Change the article
an
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 unsatisfactory
job
 with
low
Add an article
a low
the low
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 amount of money.
For instance
, around 60% of the young generation in India are continuing a
job
 which they are unsatisfied with. They are bound to adhere to that unsatisfactory profession because they do not have other alternative ways of earning. Unacceptable and unpleasant jobs generally cause physical and mental stress among professionals. If someone is compelled to attend the same
job
 which he or she does not like may result in continuous dissatisfaction followed by low performance. A survey based in the UK
for example
, illustrates that the production rate can be plummeted to 40% only because of
job
 dissatisfaction.
Therefore
, it is better to change the
job
 and look for another new one. I personally believe that
,
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 it is better to quit a
job
 which we do not enjoy. Because it not only affects our productivity but
also
 our physical and mental health.
To conclude
, unsatisfactory
job
 consequences damage performance
although
 it is the only means of earnings to a significant amount of
people
 in the world. Government should increase the variety of employment opportunities
,
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 so that
people
 would not no longer bear the dissatisfaction of jobs.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the prompt. Expand on each point of view talked about and provide more depth in your own opinion as well as in your conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by ensuring that ideas flow logically from one to another. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed and relevant examples. Develop your arguments further to provide a richer context and insight into the issue discussed.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be sure to provide an introduction that clearly states the topic and a conclusion that summarises the main points and restates your position. Both should encapsulate the essence of the essay effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • acceptance
  • contentment
  • resilience
  • complacency
  • personal growth
  • societal progress
  • motivating
  • circumstances
  • growth mindset
  • innovation
  • persistent
  • frustration
  • dissatisfaction
  • realistic expectations
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