IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

it is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age.Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? what sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

Some people
argues
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argue
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 that
its
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it
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 is important to know about the similarities between the good and bad
things
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 for
children
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 at
young
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a young
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 age ,
while
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the
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apply
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other people
were
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are
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 strong in giving punishment to
children
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 for them to gain the
right
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 and wrong
things
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.In
this
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 essay,I will share my opinion by taking
the
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apply
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both sides of the argument.
In
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On
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one
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the one
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 hand,good behaviour from the
children
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 plays a vital role in developing their personality.If the
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children
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children's
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 activities were good , an appreciation would be great to encourage them in
a
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the
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right
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 manner.Learning the good and wrong in an early stage of the
children
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 will help out to bring
abright
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a bright
bright
 future and will have a
well
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good
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 personality in the future.
For instance
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,the schools in Canada encourage
the
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apply
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children
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 by
appreciating
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encouraging
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 them to have
a
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apply
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better behaviour in the
classrom
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classroom
. In a survey,the crime rates in Japan are lower
by
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among
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the
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apply
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middle aged
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middle-aged
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 students because of
these
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the
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 encouragement from
the
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apply
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teachers and
parents
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 in
a
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the
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right
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 way.
on the other hand
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,the fact of the punishment to the
yound
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young
children
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 to learn fair
things
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,
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apply
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 leads to stress and depression . If the teacher
punishing
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punishes
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 the
children
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,that will
head
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lead
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 to
lose
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losing
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the
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apply
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interest in
studies
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their studies
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 and sometimes they will
afraid
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be afraid
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 to tell the
parents
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 if they
done
Verb problem
make
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 a mistake.
For example
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,punishments like
parents
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were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not allowing the
children
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 to play or giving restrictions to get away from televisions rather than physically abusing them. I conclude that
,
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apply
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appreciation and encouraging them to learn good manners is the best way to approach
children
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 .Punishment is not the
right
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 way to teach good
things
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by
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to
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parents
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 and teachers. A good appreciation and encouragement from the teachers and
parents
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 would help them to do well in life rather than abusing them physically.
Children
Use synonyms
 are the future of every nation in the world.

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is positive. However, to improve the logical structure, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and the paragraph content directly supports that idea.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with the introduction and conclusion. Make sure to paraphrase the question in the introduction and summarise the main points in the conclusion, refraining from introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear and relevant examples. Such examples should be specific and directly linked to the points you are making.
task achievement
Ensure you completely respond to all parts of the task. Address all aspects of the prompt in a balanced way, discussing the extent to which you agree or disagree and providing specific ideas about the sort of punishment if any.
task achievement
Develop your ideas comprehensively. Expand on your points with clear explanations and examples, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on one main idea only.
task achievement
Include a range of relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. Rather than general statements, provide concrete evidence or scenarios that align with the point being discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
What to do next:
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