Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. why is this happening and what measure can be taken to tackle this problem.

A minority of offenders perform more
crimes
after
giving
Verb problem
getting
show examples
their first punishment.
This
case is able to occur because of the minimum opportunities to
work
and
ineffectiveness
Correct article usage
the ineffectiveness
show examples
of
rehabilitation
, and it can
be tackle
Change the verb form
be tackled
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
serving an occasion of
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
and giving
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
effectiveness of
rehabilitation
.
To begin
with, many people who have
done
Verb problem
committed
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
crimes
a crime
show examples
crimes
arduous
Add a missing verb
have arduous
show examples
to
obtain
Wrong verb form
obtaining
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
work opportunities
a work opportunity
show examples
work
opportunities. They have acquired a bad stigma because they
ever
Correct your spelling
never
show examples
go to jail.
For instance
, a company does not want to receive ex-offenders because they think that they feel afraid
if
Correct word choice
that
show examples
the criminal is going to repeat his
crimes
in that company.
In addition
,
process
Add an article
the process
show examples
of
rehabilitation
that is
performed by
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
government
is not effective.
This
situation can be induced because the time is no longer, and the program in
rehabilitation
Add an article
the rehabilitation
show examples
process
is slightly efficient.
Therefore
, ex-offenders
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
not really done from their cases.
Secondly
, to tackle
this
condition is able to be performed with
inveriable
Correct your spelling
invariable
giving the chance to
work
. A
government
and
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
ought to provide the
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
without looking
his
Change preposition
at his
show examples
ex-criminals or
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
.
Additionally
, the
government
should afford the effectiveness of time in
rehabilitation
Add an article
the rehabilitation
show examples
process
. The long time of
process
Add an article
the process
show examples
of
rehabilitation
should be similar to their cases, and the
government
gives
Wrong verb form
should give
show examples
practicing
Replace the word
practice
show examples
and teaching that can be used when they return to their homes.
For example
, the
government
supplies creativity in
makings
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
unique art or cooking.
Hence
, if they go out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
prison, they are able to utilize their skills to open the business.
To sum up
,
this
occurrence can
be cause
Change the verb form
be caused
show examples
because the ex-criminals are not received in
work
and lack of
rehabilitation
.
Nevertheless
, there are ways to tackle
this
situation
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
who have
performed
Verb problem
committed
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimes
should still procure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opportunities to
work
, and the
government
provides
Wrong verb form
should provide
show examples
the effectiveness of the program in
rehabilitation
.
Submitted by fifi on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
The main points are supported with some general ideas, however, they lack development and specific examples. It's important to provide clear and succinct support for your arguments. Use relevant examples or data to back up your points. This specificity will raise the score in coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clear and summarize the main points of the essay. This is currently lacking, as the conclusion does not effectively summarize the arguments made. Adding a more conclusive final paragraph would strengthen the essay's overall impact.
task achievement
The use of examples is good, but they need to be more specific and relevant to the argument. Abstract examples make it difficult for the reader to understand the practical application of your ideas. Consider using case studies or citing specific programs that have been successful in other contexts.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

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  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • reintegration
  • stigma
  • ex-offender
  • criminal behavior
  • economic necessity
  • substance abuse
  • restorative justice
  • social network
  • supervision
  • monitoring programs
  • deter
  • incarceration
  • felon
  • crime prevention strategies
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