Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. why is this happening and what measure can be taken to tackle this problem.
A minority of offenders perform more
crimes
after giving
their first punishment. Verb problem
getting
This
case is able to occur because of the minimum opportunities to work
and ineffectiveness
of Correct article usage
the ineffectiveness
rehabilitation
, and it can be tackle
Change the verb form
be tackled
with
serving an occasion of Change preposition
by
employments
and giving Fix the agreement mistake
employment
an
effectiveness of Remove the article
apply
rehabilitation
.
To begin
with, many people who have done
Verb problem
committed
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
crimes
a crime
crimes
arduous
to Add a missing verb
have arduous
obtain
Wrong verb form
obtaining
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
work opportunities
a work opportunity
work
opportunities. They have acquired a bad stigma because they ever
go to jail. Correct your spelling
never
For instance
, a company does not want to receive ex-offenders because they think that they feel afraid if
the criminal is going to repeat his Correct word choice
that
crimes
in that company. In addition
, process
of Add an article
the process
rehabilitation
that is
performed by a
Correct article usage
the
government
is not effective. This
situation can be induced because the time is no longer, and the program in rehabilitation
Add an article
the rehabilitation
process
is slightly efficient. Therefore
, ex-offenders is
not really done from their cases.
Change the verb form
are
Secondly
, to tackle this
condition is able to be performed with inveriable
giving the chance to Correct your spelling
invariable
work
. A government
and company
ought to provide the Fix the agreement mistake
companies
employments
without looking Fix the agreement mistake
employment
his
ex-criminals or Change preposition
at his
no
. Correct your spelling
not
Additionally
, the government
should afford the effectiveness of time in rehabilitation
Add an article
the rehabilitation
process
. The long time of process
of Add an article
the process
rehabilitation
should be similar to their cases, and the government
gives
Wrong verb form
should give
practicing
and teaching that can be used when they return to their homes. Replace the word
practice
For example
, the government
supplies creativity in makings
Correct your spelling
making
an
unique art or cooking. Change the article
a
Hence
, if they go out from
Change preposition
of
a
prison, they are able to utilize their skills to open the business.
Remove the article
apply
To sum up
, this
occurrence can be cause
because the ex-criminals are not received in Change the verb form
be caused
work
and lack of rehabilitation
. Nevertheless
, there are ways to tackle this
situation that
Correct word choice
apply
they
who have Correct pronoun usage
those
performed
Verb problem
committed
the
Correct article usage
apply
crimes
should still procure the
opportunities to Correct article usage
apply
work
, and the government
provides
the effectiveness of the program in Wrong verb form
should provide
rehabilitation
.Submitted by fifi on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
It is evident that the essay attempts to address the topic, but there are significant issues with grammatical accuracy and lexical resource which make parts of it difficult to understand. Working on using correct grammatical structures and a wider range of vocabulary would help to convey ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has logical structure in the sense that there are distinct paragraphs, but transitions between ideas could be improved. Avoid overusing certain conjunctions or starting sentences in the same way for every paragraph. Variety in sentence structure will greatly enhance the readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported with some general ideas, however, they lack development and specific examples. It's important to provide clear and succinct support for your arguments. Use relevant examples or data to back up your points. This specificity will raise the score in coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
While the essay provides an overall response to the prompt, it would benefit from a deeper analysis and more expanded ideas. The arguments are somewhat superficial and require further explanation and detail to fully answer the question. This would improve the task achievement score.
task achievement
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clear and summarize the main points of the essay. This is currently lacking, as the conclusion does not effectively summarize the arguments made. Adding a more conclusive final paragraph would strengthen the essay's overall impact.
task achievement
The use of examples is good, but they need to be more specific and relevant to the argument. Abstract examples make it difficult for the reader to understand the practical application of your ideas. Consider using case studies or citing specific programs that have been successful in other contexts.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!