IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Three pie charts below shows the changes in annual spending by a particular UK schools in 1981, 1991 and 2002. Summarise the informatin by selecting and reporting the main featrures, and make comparisons where relevant.

Three pie charts below shows the changes in annual spending by a particular UK schools in 1981, 1991 and 2002. Summarise the informatin by selecting and reporting the main featrures, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The two charts below illustrate the changes in
use
Add an article
the use
show examples
 of
revenue
Use synonyms
 yearly by a specific school in 1981 and 1991.
Overall
Linking Words
, in both 1981 and
1991
Add a comma
1991,
show examples
 most money was used in teachers salaries
while
Linking Words
 the least was spent on insurance. More money was used in
resources
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as books in 1981 than in 1991. In 1981,
teachers
Change noun form
teachers'
teacher's
show examples
 salaries accounted for 40% of the total
revenue
Use synonyms
 and had the highest spending.
Teachers
Change noun form
Teachers'
Teacher's
show examples
pays
Change the verb form
pay
show examples
 in 1991
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a quarter more than
spending
Correct article usage
the spending
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
furniture and equipment which was
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15%. Spending
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
resources
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as books in 1981 was 5% lower than in 1991. In 1991,
revenue
Use synonyms
 spent on insurance was 1% just over as compared to insurance spending in 1981.
Revenue
Use synonyms
 used on
resources
Use synonyms
 was equal
Change preposition
to
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 that spent on furniture and equipment both at 15% in 1981. The school managed to reduce its total costs on other
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
show examples
 salaries in 1991 by 7%
Linking Words
whereas
Change preposition
while
show examples
 increasing spending on
resources
Use synonyms
 by 5% in the same year.
Submitted by karigaruvimbo on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words revenue, resources with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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