The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's climate
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

retire after a certain number of
years
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and prefer to stop working and enjoy the rustic charm of
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. It has become a controversial minefield regarding the financial aspects
in
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
which each person should be responsible:
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I find myself among
Correct article usage
the criticts

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
criticts
Correct your spelling
critics

If you don’t want criticts to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

who believe that it is
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Correct article usage
the goverment’s
show examples
goverment’s
Correct your spelling
government’s

If you don’t want goverment to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

responsibility. There are
few
Correct article usage
a few

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
facts regarding the theory which
said
Wrong verb form
say

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb said. Consider changing it.

show examples
that each individual should be looked after
their
Change preposition
for their

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
financial need.
The first
Correct article usage
First

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
and foremost
is that
Verb problem
,

There may be a verb use issue here.

show examples
finance can be assumed
like
Fix the infinitive
to like

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

show examples
the other aspects of human
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Growing up, children are told to be
indipendent
Correct your spelling
independent

If you don’t want indipendent to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and
their
Correct word choice
that their

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
future is the result of their current
afairs
Correct your spelling
affairs

If you don’t want afairs to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, financial
topic
Fix the agreement mistake
topics

It seems that topic may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
can be considered the same and
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters

If you don’t want youngesters to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

should save up for their later
years
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Another explanation is that in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

case
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

goverment
Correct your spelling
government

If you don’t want goverment to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

can invest the retirement budgets
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb increasing. Consider changing it.

show examples
the
qulity
Correct your spelling
quality

If you don’t want qulity to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

of human habitation, like
construction
Correct article usage
the construction

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
of recreational centers or top-notch hospitals. The more
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities

It seems that facility may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
there
would be
Verb problem
are

There may be a verb use issue here.

show examples
, the happier
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

life
Replace the word
lives

The word life doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can lead. (There are 2 central ideas in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

paragraph) The major justification why
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

goverment
Correct your spelling
government

If you don’t want goverment to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

should support the
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly

If you don’t want eldery to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

is the fact that elder
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are physically and mentally demanding,
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

they can not manage their budget
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Correct article usage
the youths
show examples
youths
Fix the agreement mistake
youth

It seems that youths may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is better that
athorities
Correct your spelling
authorities

If you don’t want athorities to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

manage a plan regarding their money
managemet
Correct your spelling
management

If you don’t want managemet to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

. On top of that, in case of unpredicted
occations
Correct your spelling
occasions

If you don’t want occations to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

may
explurge
Correct your spelling
splurge

If you don’t want explurge to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

their savings and
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

can may cause difficulties
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

to
Add the comma(s)
, to

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter to sum up money. Consider adding the comma(s).

show examples
sum
Wrong verb form
summing

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb sum. Consider changing it.

show examples
up money.
In other words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

goverment
Correct your spelling
government

If you don’t want goverment to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

can take the money and use it for different
purpuses
Correct your spelling
purposes

If you don’t want purpuses to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
Correct article usage
a loan
show examples
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans

It seems that loan may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
and give it back
years
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

later. What can be concluded from the above is that by taking
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
responsibility
by
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

goverment
Correct your spelling
government

If you don’t want goverment to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will have
more
Correct article usage
a more

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient

If you don’t want convinient to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
Linking Words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

last
Correct article usage
the last

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
years
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of their
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives

It seems that life may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
, a theory
which
Change preposition
to which

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
I subscribe
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
.
Submitted by ashkanmlk80 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay meets the basic requirements of the task, but there is significant room for improvement in both task response and coherence and cohesion. To enhance task achievement, make sure to offer a fully developed argument with clear, comprehensive ideas throughout the essay. This will involve expanding on points with more detailed explanations and incorporating specific, pertinent examples to support your statements. Additionally, ensure that the task is fully addressed from beginning to end, covering all aspects of the question posed.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, it's essential to work on the logical structuring of ideas. Aim to construct paragraphs with clear main ideas and supporting sentences that expand on these ideas in an organized manner. The transition between ideas should be smoother, which can be achieved by using a variety of linking words and cohesive devices. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more effectively used to introduce the topics and summarize your argument, respectively. Pay close attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation to enhance overall clarity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government responsibility
  • financial support
  • care
  • retirees
  • personal responsibility
  • retirement planning
  • social security
  • pension
  • benefits
  • concerns
  • dependency
  • adequate savings
  • elderly citizens
  • burden
  • welfare system
  • poverty
  • social safety net
  • financial stability
  • public funds
  • sustainable
  • reliable
  • case study
  • Japan
  • Sweden
  • United States
What to do next:
Look at other essays: