The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In today's climate

people

Use synonyms

retire after a certain number of

years

Use synonyms

and prefer to stop working and enjoy the rustic charm of

life

Use synonyms

. It has become a controversial minefield regarding the financial aspects

Change preposition

for

show examples

which each person should be responsible:

however

Linking Words

, I find myself among

Correct article usage

the criticts

show examples

criticts

Correct your spelling

critics

who believe that it is

Use synonyms

Correct article usage

the goverment’s

show examples

goverment’s

Correct your spelling

government’s

responsibility. There are

few

Correct article usage

a few

show examples

facts regarding the theory which

said

Wrong verb form

say

show examples

that each individual should be looked after

their

Change preposition

for their

show examples

financial need.

The first

Correct article usage

First

show examples

and foremost

is that

Verb problem

show examples

finance can be assumed

Fix the infinitive

to like

show examples

the other aspects of human

life

Use synonyms

. Growing up, children are told to be

indipendent

Correct your spelling

independent

and

their

Correct word choice

that their

show examples

future is the result of their current

afairs

Correct your spelling

affairs

Therefore

Linking Words

, financial

topic

Fix the agreement mistake

topics

show examples

can be considered the same and

youngesters

Correct your spelling

youngsters

should save up for their later

years

Use synonyms

. Another explanation is that in

this

Linking Words

case

Use synonyms

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

can invest the retirement budgets

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

increasing

Wrong verb form

increase

show examples

the

qulity

Correct your spelling

quality

of human habitation, like

construction

Correct article usage

the construction

show examples

of recreational centers or top-notch hospitals. The more

facility

Fix the agreement mistake

facilities

show examples

there

would be

Verb problem

are

show examples

, the happier

Use synonyms

life

Replace the word

lives

show examples

people

Use synonyms

can lead. (There are 2 central ideas in

this

Linking Words

paragraph) The major justification why

Use synonyms

Correct article usage

the goverment

show examples

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

should support the

eldery

Correct your spelling

elderly

is the fact that elder

people

Use synonyms

are physically and mentally demanding,

therefore

Linking Words

they can not manage their budget

as well as

Linking Words

Correct article usage

the youths

show examples

youths

Fix the agreement mistake

youth

show examples

As a result

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, it is better that

athorities

Correct your spelling

authorities

manage a plan regarding their money

managemet

Correct your spelling

management

. On top of that, in case of unpredicted

occations

Correct your spelling

occasions

people

Use synonyms

may

explurge

Correct your spelling

splurge

their savings and

this

Linking Words

can may cause difficulties

Linking Words

Add the comma(s)

, to

show examples

sum

Wrong verb form

summing

show examples

up money.

In other words

Linking Words

Use synonyms

Correct article usage

the goverment

show examples

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

can take the money and use it for different

purpuses

Correct your spelling

purposes

such

Linking Words

Correct article usage

a loan

show examples

loan

Fix the agreement mistake

loans

show examples

and give it back

years

Use synonyms

later. What can be concluded from the above is that by taking

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

responsibility

Change preposition

for

show examples

the

Use synonyms

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

people

Use synonyms

will have

Correct article usage

a more

show examples

convinient

Correct your spelling

convenient

life

Use synonyms

Linking Words

last

Correct article usage

the last

show examples

years

Use synonyms

of their

Use synonyms

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, a theory

which

Change preposition

to which

show examples

I subscribe

Change preposition

apply

show examples

ashkanmlk80Tue Jan 30 2024

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task achievement

The essay meets the basic requirements of the task, but there is significant room for improvement in both task response and coherence and cohesion. To enhance task achievement, make sure to offer a fully developed argument with clear, comprehensive ideas throughout the essay. This will involve expanding on points with more detailed explanations and incorporating specific, pertinent examples to support your statements. Additionally, ensure that the task is fully addressed from beginning to end, covering all aspects of the question posed.

coherence cohesion

In terms of coherence and cohesion, it's essential to work on the logical structuring of ideas. Aim to construct paragraphs with clear main ideas and supporting sentences that expand on these ideas in an organized manner. The transition between ideas should be smoother, which can be achieved by using a variety of linking words and cohesive devices. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more effectively used to introduce the topics and summarize your argument, respectively. Pay close attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation to enhance overall clarity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
49
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

302 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

government responsibility
financial support
care
retirees
personal responsibility
retirement planning
social security
pension
benefits
concerns
dependency
adequate savings
elderly citizens
burden
welfare system
poverty
social safety net
financial stability
public funds
sustainable
reliable
case study
Japan
Sweden
United States

What to do next:

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There is a debate among people who do not like alterations in their own surroundings, while others view it as good to have changes every now and then. There are various reasons for both beliefs and this essay will discuss this in more detail below.

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Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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