IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people thinks that watching news is good for individuals and some thinks not . discuss both views and also give your opinion

#people #news #individuals
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Within our modern epoch, watching the
news
Use synonyms
 is substantially
influencial
Correct your spelling
influential
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it may be argued not always for the best reason. Watching the
news
Use synonyms
 provides updates regarding surroundings and even updates around the world,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 some may
suggested
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suggest
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 that media is controlled and contains a lot of propaganda.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the aforementioned notion that the
news
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 isn't beneficial and we can obtain
news
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 from more reliable methods. On one point, watching
Use synonyms
news
Correct article usage
the news
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 allows people to receive
information
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 in a quick and easy form, which they wouldn't be able to
otherwise
Linking Words
.
For example
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
older
Correct article usage
the older
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 generation
rely
Correct subject-verb agreement
relies
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 on the television channels,
such
Linking Words
 as BBC
News
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 and Al Jazeera, which are consistently
availabe
Correct your spelling
available
, with some channels being merely dedicated to showcasing
news
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. Personally, in my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 watching the
news
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 may be seen as a fast way to be informed , it could be argued that the
information
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 is inaccurate, causing people to be misinformed.
For example
Linking Words
, during the Israel and Palestinian
war
Fix the agreement mistake
wars
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, a lot of the
information
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 regarding Palestine
isn't
Wrong verb form
wasn't
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 showcased, making the
information
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 biased, almost acting like a source of propaganda.
This
Linking Words
 is
further
Linking Words
 reinstated by my viewpoint which is in favour of using other platforms to be informed rather than using the
news
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. Tiktok is heavily
influencial
Correct your spelling
influential
within
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the younger generation, providing reliable
information
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, which is unbiased, provide
information
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 without an ulterior motive. I agree that social media is a great way to get a more accurate version of
information
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, allowing us
Add the particle
to
show examples
witness effects first-hand.
For example
Linking Words
, during the war, many Palestinians vlogged
the
Change the word
their
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 experiences, allowing people to make their own
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 on the matter.
Overall
Linking Words
, it could be argued that watching the
news
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 is beneficial as it provides a quick and easy source of
information
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, but ultimately these statistics could be bogus, implying that other platforms
such
Linking Words
 as social media outlets are a more dependable form,
Change preposition
of implemententing
show examples
implemententing
Correct your spelling
implementing
 that
news
Use synonyms
 is a good way to acquire
information
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Sandraali_k on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion are present, summarizing the views discussed and clearly stating your own opinion. Provide a clearer indication that your essay has an overarching progression from the introduction to the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by creating clear topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs, which should then be further explored and supported with specific examples or explanations within those paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Enhance main points with more diverse and precise examples. Instead of using broad statements or hypothetical scenarios, include real-world evidence or detailed illustrations to support your arguments.
task achievement
Focus on fully responding to all parts of the task, ensuring that you discuss both views presented in the prompt comprehensively before giving your opinion. Balance the discussion to address both sides equally.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on the ideas presented. Develop arguments in a more comprehensive manner, while maintaining relevance to the prompt. Provide depth by elaborating on the ideas rather than just stating them.
task achievement
Use a wider range of specific examples, pulling from various sources such as current affairs, studies, or historical events to enrich your arguments and demonstrate a broad understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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