IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people thinks that watching news is good for individuals and some thinks not . discuss both views and also give your opinion

#people #news #individuals
Within our modern epoch, watching the
news
 is substantially
influencial
Correct your spelling
influential
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it may be argued not always for the best reason. Watching the
news
 provides updates regarding surroundings and even updates around the world,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 some may
suggested
Change the verb form
suggest
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 that media is controlled and contains a lot of propaganda.
This
 essay agrees with the aforementioned notion that the
news
 isn't beneficial and we can obtain
news
 from more reliable methods. On one point, watching
news
Correct article usage
the news
show examples
 allows people to receive
information
 in a quick and easy form, which they wouldn't be able to
otherwise
.
For example
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 generation
rely
Correct subject-verb agreement
relies
show examples
 on the television channels,
such
 as BBC
News
 and Al Jazeera, which are consistently
availabe
Correct your spelling
available
, with some channels being merely dedicated to showcasing
news
. Personally, in my opinion,
although
 watching the
news
 may be seen as a fast way to be informed , it could be argued that the
information
 is inaccurate, causing people to be misinformed.
For example
, during the Israel and Palestinian
war
Fix the agreement mistake
wars
show examples
, a lot of the
information
 regarding Palestine
isn't
Wrong verb form
wasn't
show examples
 showcased, making the
information
 biased, almost acting like a source of propaganda.
This
 is
further
 reinstated by my viewpoint which is in favour of using other platforms to be informed rather than using the
news
. Tiktok is heavily
influencial
Correct your spelling
influential
within
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the younger generation, providing reliable
information
, which is unbiased, provide
information
 without an ulterior motive. I agree that social media is a great way to get a more accurate version of
information
, allowing us
Add the particle
to
show examples
witness effects first-hand.
For example
, during the war, many Palestinians vlogged
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 experiences, allowing people to make their own
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 on the matter.
Overall
, it could be argued that watching the
news
 is beneficial as it provides a quick and easy source of
information
, but ultimately these statistics could be bogus, implying that other platforms
such
 as social media outlets are a more dependable form,
Change preposition
of implemententing
show examples
implemententing
Correct your spelling
implementing
 that
news
 is a good way to acquire
information
.
Submitted by Sandraali_k on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion are present, summarizing the views discussed and clearly stating your own opinion. Provide a clearer indication that your essay has an overarching progression from the introduction to the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by creating clear topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs, which should then be further explored and supported with specific examples or explanations within those paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Enhance main points with more diverse and precise examples. Instead of using broad statements or hypothetical scenarios, include real-world evidence or detailed illustrations to support your arguments.
task achievement
Focus on fully responding to all parts of the task, ensuring that you discuss both views presented in the prompt comprehensively before giving your opinion. Balance the discussion to address both sides equally.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on the ideas presented. Develop arguments in a more comprehensive manner, while maintaining relevance to the prompt. Provide depth by elaborating on the ideas rather than just stating them.
task achievement
Use a wider range of specific examples, pulling from various sources such as current affairs, studies, or historical events to enrich your arguments and demonstrate a broad understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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