Some people think that young criminals should receive the same punishment as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Opinion
It is thought by
few
people that young Correct article usage
a few
or
Correct word choice
apply
teenager
should Have Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
same
cheese advertisement as Correct article usage
the same
Add an article
an adult
adult
who Fix the agreement mistake
adults
commit
severe Change the verb form
commits
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
however
, some of them ponder that it could be sharp
negative impact on their behaviour if they Add an article
a sharp
got
Wrong verb form
get
hard
Add an article
a hard
penalty
from Fix the agreement mistake
penalties
judicial
system. As far as I am concerned I adamantly disagree with Add an article
the judicial
this
statement in this
essay I will discuss the reason as well as
I
try to give my opinion from my best experience.
To commence with the first reason why I oppose the statement is Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
young Correct determiner usage
that
children
have
not Add a missing verb
do have
ability
to think about what is wrong or what is right for them. To elaborate on Correct article usage
the ability
this
, time children
involved
in bad beer Add a missing verb
are involved
group
and try to do some wrong Fix the agreement mistake
groups
activities
due to
the pressure of bad peers but they have
not their own mind behind the same Add a missing verb
do have
crime
that they commit due to
pressure. For example
, a survey conducted by criminal
department in India Add an article
the criminal
that
revealed 6 out of 10 joint criminal Correct pronoun usage
apply
activities
due to
their
bad peer group pressure. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Consequently
these Add a comma
Consequently,
wrong doing
lead Correct your spelling
wrongdoing
the
young Correct article usage
apply
children
towards serious crime
if they do not stop at the beginning.
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
moreover
, the lack of knowledge and education always lead
the young ones towards Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
the
bad actions Correct article usage
apply
to explain
Verb problem
apply
this
majority of children
join bad companies due to
unable
to receive appropriate intervention from their parents and the horizon of their brain Correct word choice
the inability
very
limited Add a missing verb
is very
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
bring
them toward any direction whether Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
that is
good or bad. For instance
, in third world countries majority of adult and
contribute their proportion to bad actions owing to lack of education and limited knowledge Correct word choice
apply
hence
the government make sure to give appropriate counselling to them to bring
them on track.
Verb problem
keep
on the contrary
, some believe that they should receive appropriate or very tough cheese advertisement
that would convey Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
message
Correct article usage
a message
toward
other offenders and help them to avoid Change preposition
to
and
criminal Correct word choice
apply
activities
that may help them to bring
on track and Verb problem
get
this
may also
assist to reduce
Change preposition
in reducing
crime
around us.
In conclusion , all those penalty
toward young people may spread the message Change the determiner
penalties
as ring
a bill to stop wrong Change preposition
of ringing
activities
yet I believe that government
should use alternate abuse to bring the young ones on track Correct article usage
the government
such
as counselling sessions or separate school
or colleges that give good education and promote them to the society as a good citizen.Fix the agreement mistake
schools
Submitted by jagdeepsandhu8912 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks clarity in expressing ideas and providing logical reasoning. It is important to structure the essay with a clear introduction that presents the topic, followed by body paragraphs that each cover a clear main idea, and a conclusion that succinctly summarizes your argument.
Task Achievement
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Language
The essay includes several grammatical errors, misspellings, and inappropriate word choices (e.g., 'cheese advertisement' instead of 'punishment'). Proofreading the essay to correct these mistakes and ensure the correct terminology is used consistently will significantly enhance the quality of your writing.
Fully explain your ideas
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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