IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that young criminals should receive the same punishment as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Opinion

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It is thought by
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 people that young
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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 should Have
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 cheese advertisement as
Add an article
an adult
show examples
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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 who
commit
Change the verb form
commits
show examples
 severe
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
however
Linking Words
, some of them ponder that it could be
sharp
Add an article
a sharp
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 negative impact on their behaviour if they
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
hard
Add an article
a hard
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penalty
Fix the agreement mistake
penalties
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 from
judicial
Add an article
the judicial
show examples
 system. As far as I am concerned I adamantly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement in
this
Linking Words
 essay I will discuss the reason
as well as
Linking Words
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
try to give my opinion from my best experience. To commence with the first reason why I oppose the statement is
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 young
children
Use synonyms
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to think about what is wrong or what is right for them. To elaborate on
this
Linking Words
, time
children
Use synonyms
involved
Add a missing verb
are involved
show examples
 in bad beer
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 and try to do some wrong
activities
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the pressure of bad peers but they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not their own mind behind the same
crime
Use synonyms
 that they commit
due to
Linking Words
 pressure.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by
criminal
Add an article
the criminal
show examples
 department in India
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
revealed 6 out of 10 joint criminal
activities
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
bad peer group pressure.
Linking Words
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
show examples
 these
wrong doing
Correct your spelling
wrongdoing
show examples
 lead
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
children
Use synonyms
 towards serious
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 if they do not stop at the beginning.
moreover
Linking Words
, the lack of knowledge and education always
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 the young ones towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad actions
to explain
Verb problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 majority of
children
Use synonyms
 join bad companies
due to
Linking Words
unable
Correct word choice
the inability
show examples
 to receive appropriate intervention from their parents and the horizon of their brain
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 limited
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 them toward any direction whether
that is
Linking Words
 good or bad.
For instance
Linking Words
, in third world countries majority of adult
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
contribute their proportion to bad actions owing to lack of education and limited knowledge
hence
Linking Words
 the government make sure to give appropriate counselling to them to
bring
Verb problem
keep
show examples
 them on track.
on the contrary
Linking Words
, some believe that they should receive appropriate or very tough cheese
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 that would convey
message
Correct article usage
a message
show examples
toward
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other offenders and help them to avoid
and
Correct word choice
apply
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criminal
activities
Use synonyms
 that may help them to
bring
Verb problem
get
show examples
 on track and
this
Linking Words
 may
also
Linking Words
 assist
to reduce
Change preposition
in reducing
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 around us. In conclusion , all those
penalty
Change the determiner
penalties
show examples
 toward young people may spread the message
as ring
Change preposition
of ringing
show examples
 a bill to stop wrong
activities
Use synonyms
 yet I believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should use alternate abuse to bring the young ones on track
such
Linking Words
 as counselling sessions or separate
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 or colleges that give good education and promote them to the society as a good citizen.

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks clarity in expressing ideas and providing logical reasoning. It is important to structure the essay with a clear introduction that presents the topic, followed by body paragraphs that each cover a clear main idea, and a conclusion that succinctly summarizes your argument.
Task Achievement
For better task achievement, ensure the response completely addresses the prompt by providing a balanced discussion of the topic, including relevant examples where appropriate, and a clear personal stance throughout the essay.
Language
The essay includes several grammatical errors, misspellings, and inappropriate word choices (e.g., 'cheese advertisement' instead of 'punishment'). Proofreading the essay to correct these mistakes and ensure the correct terminology is used consistently will significantly enhance the quality of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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