Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way, and do you think this is a good trend?
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is a lot of
people
undertake extreme doings, beginning with hand-gliding and finishing with mountain climbing. It is undeniable that the
feelings Correct article usage
apply
such
as adrenaline has
become an essential part of our Change the verb form
have
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
However
, there is no absolute agreement on whether people
which are risk
their lives or not.
A commonly held belief is that Change the verb form
are risking
life
is given to us only once and it is too short to spend it on activities which are dangerous for people
's life
. As evidence of Fix the agreement mistake
lives
this
they point to staffs that Add a comma
this,
more
significant than extreme activities Add a missing verb
are more
such
as spending time with your loyal friends and lovely family. It is more important than feeling adrenaline. Furthermore
, it could be explained by the fact that friends and family will be with you forever, meanwhile adrenaline will not. So, it would be hilarious if you waste
your significant time on Earth Wrong verb form
wasted
to do
Change the verb form
doing
such
things as mountain climbing.
On the other hand
, some people
claim that life
is really short to waste it on boring things and you have to do whatever you want, while
you have possibility
to do it. Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
For example
, they may mention that if you did
not do Wrong verb form
do
activites
you Correct your spelling
activities
want
like hang-gliding, you Wrong verb form
wanted
would
probably regret Wrong verb form
will
about
it when you Change preposition
apply
will be
old. Wrong verb form
are
In addition
, there is no point of
Change preposition
in
life
if you are not happy. The explanation lies in the fact that the
Correct article usage
apply
life
is one and you have to spend it correctly. Therefore
, even if you died because of extreme doings, you would live satured
Correct your spelling
saturated
life
.
In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would argue that each person has his own opinion about how live
in Add the particle
to live
a
correct way. Correct article usage
the
However
, I think that people
can do whatever they want and risking their life
in extreme things is actually good
trend for many of us.Add an article
a good
Submitted by dnm.best on
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task achievement
Ensure to check for grammatical errors and awkward phrases. For instance, 'hand-gliding' should be 'hang-gliding', and 'doings' should be 'activities.'
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data to support your arguments. For example, mention some studies or statistics about why people engage in extreme sports.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of paragraphs. Some transitions are a bit abrupt and can be smoothed out for better cohesiveness.
coherence cohesion
Avoid redundancy and make sure each paragraph contributes something new. For instance, the importance of friends and family could be consolidated into one strong point rather than being repeated.
structure
The essay is clearly structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps the reader understand the main points being discussed.
task achievement
The arguments presented are relevant and address both sides of the issue, making for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a personal stance, which is good for task achievement.
language
There is an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary and sentence structures, which enhances the readability of the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?