IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way, and do you think this is a good trend?

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 undertake extreme doings, beginning with hand-gliding and finishing with mountain climbing. It is undeniable that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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feelings
such
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 as adrenaline
has
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have
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 become an essential part of our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
However
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, there is no absolute agreement on whether
people
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 which
are risk
Change the verb form
are risking
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 their lives or not. A commonly held belief is that
life
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 is given to us only once and it is too short to spend it on activities which are dangerous for
people
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's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. As evidence of
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this
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this,
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 they point to staffs that
more
Add a missing verb
are more
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 significant than extreme activities
such
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 as spending time with your loyal friends and lovely family. It is more important than feeling adrenaline.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it could be explained by the fact that friends and family will be with you forever, meanwhile adrenaline will not. So, it would be hilarious if you
waste
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wasted
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 your significant time on Earth
to do
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doing
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such
Linking Words
 things as mountain climbing.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 claim that
life
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 is really short to waste it on boring things and you have to do whatever you want,
while
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 you have
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
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 to do it.
For example
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, they may mention that if you
did
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do
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 not do
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 you
want
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wanted
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 like hang-gliding, you
would
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will
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 probably regret
about
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apply
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it when you
will be
Wrong verb form
are
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 old.
In addition
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, there is no point
of
Change preposition
in
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life
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 if you are not happy. The explanation lies in the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life
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 is one and you have to spend it correctly.
Therefore
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, even if you died because of extreme doings, you would live
satured
Correct your spelling
saturated
life
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. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would argue that each person has his own opinion about how
live
Add the particle
to live
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 in
a
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the
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 correct way.
However
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, I think that
people
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 can do whatever they want and risking their
life
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 in extreme things is actually
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 trend for many of us.

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task achievement
Ensure to check for grammatical errors and awkward phrases. For instance, 'hand-gliding' should be 'hang-gliding', and 'doings' should be 'activities.'
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data to support your arguments. For example, mention some studies or statistics about why people engage in extreme sports.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of paragraphs. Some transitions are a bit abrupt and can be smoothed out for better cohesiveness.
coherence cohesion
Avoid redundancy and make sure each paragraph contributes something new. For instance, the importance of friends and family could be consolidated into one strong point rather than being repeated.
structure
The essay is clearly structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps the reader understand the main points being discussed.
task achievement
The arguments presented are relevant and address both sides of the issue, making for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a personal stance, which is good for task achievement.
language
There is an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary and sentence structures, which enhances the readability of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Adrenaline rush
  • Thrill-seeking
  • Personal growth
  • Accomplishment
  • Resilience
  • Risk management
  • Social recognition
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Endorphins
  • Fatality
  • Risk assessment
  • Cultural phenomenon
  • Recklessness
  • Safety precautions
  • Extreme sports
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