IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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These days, many
parents
Use synonyms
 want to help their
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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children to be good
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of society. Some believe
parents
Use synonyms
 should teach them,
while
Linking Words
 others feel that school is better. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, both perspectives will be discussed with examples.
To begin
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 with, some people think that
parents
Use synonyms
paly
Correct your spelling
play
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 an important
roll
Correct your spelling
role
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for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 bringing up their children.
This
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 is because they have significant affection
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their teenagers, and these young individuals tend to listen to their family more than others.
As a result
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, they learn most of the things from their family,
such
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 as way of speaking and behaving with
other human
Change the wording
another human
other humans
show examples
.
For instance
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, in 2004, a student who always got low scores was saying that his father had encouraged him not to study.
On the other hand
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, other humans think that teenagers mostly learn
from
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at
show examples
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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. They believe that
in
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at
show examples
 that age, they usually do not obey their family, which means they tend to
persuade
Wrong verb form
be persuaded
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what
Change preposition
by what
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 their teachers say.
This
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 is because school is a social place with lots of other students, which
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 them to leave their bad behaviour in order not to be punished
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of others.
As a consequence
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, they all become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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sociable
person
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people
show examples
 with
pleasent
Correct your spelling
pleasant
 attitudes,
such
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 as
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of respect. In conclusion, the majority of humans want their teens to have a
nicce
Correct your spelling
nice
 personality,
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however
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however,
show examples
 there are some arguments about the method of doing
this
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. I tend to agree with the first opinion
,
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apply
show examples
 because I believe
parents
Use synonyms
 can affect them more than institutes.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay follows a logical structure by presenting clear and distinct paragraphs, each representing a unique idea or perspective. Use linking words to connect ideas and help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. The introduction should present the topic and your thesis statement, while the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points by supporting them with specific reasons, details, and examples. Aim for depth rather than breadth in your argumentation to fully explore the views presented and provide a thorough analysis.
task achievement
Ensure that you respond to all parts of the task, presenting a balanced discussion of both views and clearly stating your own opinion. Provide a comprehensive answer that demonstrates your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Clarify and expand your ideas to make the essay comprehensive and insightful. Use examples that are directly relevant to the points you're making, and ensure these examples add value to your argument and illustrate the ideas clearly.
task achievement
Provide relevant and specific examples that support your main points. Be detailed in your explanation to show how these examples are pertinent to the argument you are making or the perspective you are discussing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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