In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the cause of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It’s not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. Do you agree or disagree?

#crime #attack #poverty #lack #opportunities #it’s #police #street #people #prison

Nowadays, a dramatically increasing

crime

rate can be observed and the main reason

Change preposition

for

show examples

this

issue is that children from poor families are deprived of the ability to have a high education level. It is agreed , that poverty contributes to

crime

prosperity,

therefore

the growth in the number of police will not reduce the main problem.

This

essay,

firstly

, will discuss why illegal methods are so widespread these days,followed by an analysis of measures which can be taken to decline risks.

To begin

with, there are a myriad of families who suffer from unemployment and

Remove the article

apply

show examples

poor economic status,

consequently

, they try to earn

money

in illegal

ways

such

as through thefts. There are some reasons which allow

this

issue to become common.

Firstly

, there is a lack of

work

positions ,especially for those who are poor,because each employer would probably prefer a successful person.

Secondly

, to have the ability to achieve something ,people need to have a diploma,

otherwise

, all

work

opportunities are not available.

However

, most of the universities have high prices,

therefore

poor parents can not allow their children to study,

thus

a lot of them try to find other

ways

to earn

money

and usually, it is a

crime

Conversely

, to reduce the level of

thefts

Fix the agreement mistake

theft

show examples

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

should develop some educational programs for those kids. Countless police in the streets will not solve

this

problem,

in contrast

, it will help to find other

ways

for criminals because they would try to avoid prison. Providing people with

work

opportunities would allow families to earn

money

honestly,

moreover

, their kids would be able to study.

Thus

, during their educational programs, they can have a chance to

work

as a volunteer, so in the near future, they

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

be competent enough to replace parents at

work

To conclude

this

essay agrees that the

crime

level is high and it is predictable that it will rise,

nevertheless

, some special measures can be taken to contribute to the prosperity of legal

ways

money

earning.

Submitted by amina.ilyuk8 on Tue Jan 30 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that you have a clear thesis statement in your introduction that directly addresses the question - do you agree or disagree.

task achievement

Include more specific examples and data to support your points and arguments. This adds validity to your argument and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

Work on creating clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs, which will help in improving the flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Consider expanding on your conclusion by summarizing your main points and restating your opinion to make a more impactful final impression on the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

334 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the cause of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It’s not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that using taxpayer funds to look for life on other planets is important. Others, however, think that it is a waste of public money because there are much more important issues requiring funding on our own planet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and electric cars should replace them. Do you agree or disagree?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

6.You live in a small apartment building. You are frequently bothered by noise from your upstairs neighbor’s apartment. Write a letter to your neighbor. In your letter: Describe the situation Explain why it is a problem for you Suggest a solution.

Online education is becoming more and more popular. Some people claim that e-learning has so many benefits that it will replace face-to-face learning. Discuss both views and give your opinion.