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Band 4

Many societies are full of pollution. Why is this? How to solve? And give opinion

#societies #pollution
In
this
 day and age, it can be overtly observed that the most imperative environmental issue is pollution.
While
 individuals
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffering
show examples
 from
this
 harmful problem for decades, little do they know nor
aware
Add a missing verb
are aware
show examples
 of
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
show examples
 and how to deal with
this
 particular issue.
This
 essay will deeply examine both
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 leading to emissions and what
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
measurement can be adopted to reduce pollution rates which will
be indicate
Change the verb form
be indicated
show examples
 in the following paragraphs: First and foremost, nowadays, more and more activities lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 giant leap
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
such
 as traffic transportation. To clarify, the major factor which is the cause of a huge amount of pollution is carbon
emmission
Correct your spelling
emission
emissions
 launched by the use of vehicles. Take the higher rate of personal
cars
 in Thailand
for example
; albeit more electricity trains available for
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
show examples
 to travel across the capital city, Thai adults own more than one car per person
due to
 the
the
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apply
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trend showing their wealth income, resulting in more number of
cars
 on the road, more rate of carbon dioxide in the gas, which is risky for respiratory
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 like
laung
Correct your spelling
lung
 cancer.
From
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For
show examples
 the aforementioned reason,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cooperation from both
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and their citizens is needed to reduce the emissions
launced
Correct your spelling
launched
 by
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
. Take a look more closely
in
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at
show examples
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
government
Change noun form
government's
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 perspective, the measurement should be provided to decrease the use of
Add an article
the vehicle
a vehicle
show examples
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
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. the higher price of
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
 can
affact
Correct your spelling
affect
 the decision of those who would like to buy
cars
;
moreover
, the
government
 can apply the higher rate of car tax and oil to discourage ones
to drive
Change preposition
from driving
show examples
 their own vehicles and encourage individuals to travel by public transport
instead
.
In addition
, if more people
cooporate
Correct your spelling
cooperate
corporate
 with their
government
 to
decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 the number of
cars
, less and less emissions will be launched, and thereby more clean air will be
avilable
Correct your spelling
available
 for everyone. In
this
 light of causes and measurement, it can be
summerized
Correct your spelling
summarized
 that every
sectors
Change to a singular noun
sector
show examples
 need to
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
 and lend each other a hand to solve the higher
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
 rates caused by
myraid
Correct your spelling
myriad
 of
cars
. Meanwhile, the more
measurements
Replace the word
measures
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 launched to decrease
emmisions
Correct your spelling
emissions
, the more cooperation from its citizens can make those strategies effective, resulting in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clean air for every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
.
Submitted by giftsuvichaya1702 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that there is a clear introduction and conclusion that reiterates the main argument. The current essay lacks a well-defined conclusion that summarizes the key points and restates your opinion.
logical structure
Work on the essay structure to have a clear logical flow of ideas with appropriate paragraphing. Use transition words effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs.
supported main points
Elaborate on main points with detailed explanations and examples. Avoid general statements; instead, use specific evidence to back your arguments to make them more convincing.
complete response
Ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the task. Each point raised should be expanded upon with adequate explanation and detail to show a thorough understanding of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify ideas by defining them comprehensively. Instead of covering many ideas briefly, focus on a few points and explore them in depth to provide a clearer and more detailed response.
relevant specific examples
Use more relevant, specific, and accurate examples to support points. Avoid vague references and ensure that the examples provided clearly relate to the point being made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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