Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so the population in the countryside population are decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary epoch, there is irrefutable debate among folk about migration to cities from the village
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
a positive or negative trend. I am going to examine the stated question and elucidate on numerous motives and
then
explain why I believe that it is a negative initiative in the modern age that pollution and crime rates are increased.
To begin
with, the first notion, there are bountiful rationales for the city's migration. The most preponderant is that evidently, air pollution rates increase
due to
a large number of people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
using their private vehicles
while
a lot of fossil fuels are released and mixed into
air
Add an article
the air
show examples
.
For instance
, people suffer many deadly diseases from
this
such
as respiratory problems, asthma and
long
Correct your spelling
lung
show examples
cancer.
In addition
to
this
,
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
rate
also
extended
Verb problem
increased
show examples
due to
unemployment which means with
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
population in cities the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
would be reduced.
Needles
Correct your spelling
Needless
show examples
to say, all these demerits stand out
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
good stead, as far as
argumenting
Correct your spelling
augmenting
arguments
the chance of prosperity and excellence is concerned.
On the other hand
, another pivotal factor in the aforementioned propositions is that it is only likely to help one thrive and excel in varied areas.
Besides
, only one
follows
Correct pronoun usage
who follows
show examples
such
as system, can
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
broaden their horizons,
hence
learning these attributes as cities.
As a result
, it is apparent why myriad petitions that in a negative direction. To cite
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
example,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
Mumbai state of India multitude of small villages
cleared
Add a missing verb
were cleared
show examples
by migrating towards the metropolitan.
To conclude
,
according to
the
forenamed
Correct word choice
aforementioned
show examples
quarrels, I would like to restate my perspective that the unfruitful vantage of increasing the crime rates and the air pollution. Hereby, it is a negative tendency.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay presents some ideas relevant to the topic but lacks clarity and precision. To enhance task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses the question with a clear opinion. Develop your main points with more detailed explanations and include clear, focused examples that are directly relevant to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing your essay into clear, logical paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain one central idea with sentences that flow smoothly from one to the next. Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and ensure that the introduction and conclusion are more clearly linked to the overall discussion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: