IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so the population in the countryside population are decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development?

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In the contemporary epoch, there is irrefutable debate among folk about migration to cities from the village
is
Correct your spelling
as
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 a positive or negative trend. I am going to examine the stated question and elucidate on numerous motives and
then
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 explain why I believe that it is a negative initiative in the modern age that pollution and crime rates are increased.
To begin
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 with, the first notion, there are bountiful rationales for the city's migration. The most preponderant is that evidently, air pollution rates increase
due to
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 a large number of people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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using their private vehicles
while
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 a lot of fossil fuels are released and mixed into
air
Add an article
the air
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.
For instance
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, people suffer many deadly diseases from
this
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such
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 as respiratory problems, asthma and
long
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lung
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 cancer.
In addition
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 to
this
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,
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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 rate
also
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extended
Verb problem
increased
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due to
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 unemployment which means with
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
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 population in cities the demand
of
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for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 would be reduced.
Needles
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Needless
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 to say, all these demerits stand out
on
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in
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 good stead, as far as
argumenting
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augmenting
arguments
 the chance of prosperity and excellence is concerned.
On the other hand
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, another pivotal factor in the aforementioned propositions is that it is only likely to help one thrive and excel in varied areas.
Besides
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, only one
follows
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who follows
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such
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 as system, can
they
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apply
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broaden their horizons,
hence
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 learning these attributes as cities.
As a result
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, it is apparent why myriad petitions that in a negative direction. To cite
on
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one
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 example,
the
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in the
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 Mumbai state of India multitude of small villages
cleared
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were cleared
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 by migrating towards the metropolitan.
To conclude
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,
according to
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 the
forenamed
Correct word choice
aforementioned
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 quarrels, I would like to restate my perspective that the unfruitful vantage of increasing the crime rates and the air pollution. Hereby, it is a negative tendency.

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents some ideas relevant to the topic but lacks clarity and precision. To enhance task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses the question with a clear opinion. Develop your main points with more detailed explanations and include clear, focused examples that are directly relevant to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing your essay into clear, logical paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain one central idea with sentences that flow smoothly from one to the next. Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and ensure that the introduction and conclusion are more clearly linked to the overall discussion.
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