IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think climate change negatively impacts business, while others think it provides more business opportunities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #climate #change #impacts #business #opportunities
There are some groups that argue that
climate
change
 brings more work
opportunities
,
while
 others say that those extreme chances have more disadvantages in
business
.
However
, it is true that the
impact
 on the environment has brought many problems, I believe that being part of creating strategies to control
this
impact
 has faced many new
business
opportunities
. On the one hand, facing
climate
change
 is not an easy task, since it faces the evolution of humanity after the Industrial Revolution, which brought
opportunities
, facilities, and innovation, and at the same time, pollution with the use of burned fossils, which affected and keep destructing the cope of the earth since
then
. All
this
 innovation led different corporations in the world to create and become successful through the exploration of natural resources, without knowing the consequences in the future, as the society is living now, the increase of the temperature year by year.
For example
, Africa
traverses
Verb problem
faces
show examples
 a big problem, with the increase of the heat, since
this
 country does not have the expenses to live with
this
 rollest cost of changes in the weather, and
for
this
 reason, the level of deaths has been rising dramatically.
Nonetheless
, I believe the control of those issues can provide labor
opportunities
 in
this
 century, cross the researches that help solve problems with reasonable solutions.
On the other hand
, getting
opportunities
 through the
climate
change
 that the planet is facing, is a positive argument, since every time there are a lot more people studying and getting specialized in that area, to later look for resolve that
impact
, investing in solar and energy research which can be changed for the use of fossil.
For example
, rich countries
such
 as Dubai are investing a large amount of money in how to reduce the centigrades, because in 2023, the wave of heat was the highest in the history of humanity, affecting the lifestyle, especially in those countries that do not have the economy support to live with those changes. In conclusion, it is true
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
climate
change
 has
bring
Change the verb form
brought
show examples
 a lot of negative aspects to the general
business
, as
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
troubles, the
business
 can provide more laboral
opportunities
 to qualified personnel which help with the environmental
impact
Submitted by jennitobon16 on

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task achievement
Your essay covers the topic from various angles, and you make an attempt to discuss both views as the question prompt requests. However, the relationship between the points made and the overall argument could be clearer. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates directly back to the essay question. Your examples are relevant, but they need to be developed further to strengthen your argument. A more detailed explanation or analysis would enhance the depth of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is somewhat clear, but transitions between ideas can be improved. Use cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', 'Consequently' to better link your ideas. Also, try to ensure that paragraphs are well-organized, with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea followed by supporting sentences that expand on that idea.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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