IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this?. Do you agree or disagree

#celebrities #money #politicians
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Presently artists earn more
money
 than politicians. Perhaps, many people think that they frequently purchase
an expensive goods
Correct the article-noun agreement
expensive goods
an expensive good
show examples
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 I totally disagree with
this
 opinion because
celebrities
 are not a fixed
job
 and actually
celebrities
 troublesome obtain
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work.
This
 essay will elaborate in detail on the reasons for my stance
as well as
 examples in the subsequent paragraph.
To begin
 with, the primary reason is that
politics
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
inveriable
Correct your spelling
invariable
 work than
artist
Add an article
the artist
an artist
show examples
 is not a steady
job
. Work in
politics
 does not depend on having a
job
 or
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 because politicians
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 already
acquire
Change the verb form
acquired
show examples
 responsibility in government throughout
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the several time.
In contrast
,
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a celebrity only
possesses
Correct subject-verb agreement
possess
show examples
money
 if they procure
calling
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
employment, and if they do not get a
job
, they do not have
money
.
For instance
, in ministry, even though their works only meet with others, they still gain a similar salary.
Secondly
, another reason is that
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
 as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
artist
 is arduous
gotten
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. Currently, many artists move to
politics
 because they have been difficult to procure a
job
 in their environment.
For example
, one of
Indonesian
Add an article
the Indonesian
show examples
celebrities
 is called Venna Melinda. She has been around 10 years in the world of
politics
 because she
feel
Change the verb form
feels
show examples
 that the world of
politics
 is more promising than as an
artist
, and she has not
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
acquired some jobs in
Correct article usage
the celebrities
show examples
celebrities
Change the noun form
celebrity
show examples
 world.
To sum up
, working as an
artist
 is not
also
 getting earn a lot of
money
 because that
job
 is not a fixed
job
 and working as a celebrity is not easy to
be obtained
Wrong verb form
obtain
show examples
. Thereby, nowadays a majority of
celebrities
moves
Correct subject-verb agreement
move
show examples
 as
a politicians
Correct the article-noun agreement
a politician
politicians
show examples
.
Submitted by fifi on

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structure
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coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and the supporting sentences are directly relevant to the main idea of the paragraph.
cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs for better flow.
task response
Ensure you fully respond to all parts of the question. Develop your main points with more detailed explanations and relevant examples.
language
Work on grammar, vocabulary, and sentence construction to express your ideas more clearly and accurately.
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