IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The use of personal cars has increased more than ever before but this use of cars causes many problems. What are those problems? To reduce these problems, should we discourage people to use cars? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent
days
Add a comma
days,
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 the usage of private vehicles has risen by a great number compared to the use in previous years but
then
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this
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 has led to many troubles. One of the major
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
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 that
this
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 has caused is traffic
congetion
Correct your spelling
congestion
 on the highways and the solution to
this
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 issue is constructing more roads rather than discouraging car owners from using them. In
this
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 essay, I am going to elaborate more on the issues identified and the solutions to them. To commence with, as years have gone by most people now own cars and prefer using them for movement from one place to another since they are much quicker in comparison to the use of public means of transport.
Therefore
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,
this
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 in turn has made people get late to their place of work
as a result
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 of traffic
jam
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jams
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.
For example
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, in cities where residents have to board vehicles to reach
at
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apply
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work, they have to spend several hours to get there and
this
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 is a consequence of countless vehicles on the road. To curb
this
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 troublesome difficulty, it is wise for the government to consider building up new roadways
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
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 to accommodate the population at large.
This
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 challenge can be solved
at
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to
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 a greater extent if those in power act swiftly and it can be acted upon only if citizens push for it because
this
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 is a mess that has
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 for several years and the leaders have just remained silent. In conclusion, discouraging a person from what he/she is used to can never be the solution since people have to move from
a
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one
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 point to the next.
Therefore
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, other effective ways
such
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 as
construction
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the construction
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 of new highways can be helpful for use by the plenty owned cars.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay should have a clear structure, with distinct and well-developed paragraphs including an introduction, at least two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Always ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and subsequent sentences that support it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction should clearly address the question, and the conclusion should summarise the main points without introducing new ideas. Be sure that both the introduction and conclusion are present and serving their respective purposes in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Main points in the body paragraphs need to be expanded with more specific detail and clear explanations showing how they relate to the question. Examples should be relevant and illustrate the point convincingly.
Task Achievement
Stay on topic and ensure that each paragraph contributes to answering the question. Include reasons and examples where appropriate to fully respond to all parts of the task.
Task Achievement
Develop ideas comprehensively by explaining the consequences and implications of the problems mentioned, as well as evaluating the solutions proposed. More clarity is required to effectively convey the message.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to clearly express your ideas. Also, the essay would benefit from proofreading to correct grammatical mistakes and ensure clarity in expression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Traffic congestion
  • Emissions
  • Urban sprawl
  • Public transportation
  • Carbon footprint
  • Non-renewable resources
  • Eco-friendly
  • Sustainable
  • Telecommuting
  • Electric vehicles
  • Infrastructure
  • Cycling lanes
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