IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The graph shows average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 to 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where necessary.

The graph shows average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 to 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where necessary.
#expenditures #cell #phone #services #information #features #comparisons
The graph illustrates the average
cost
 of
cell
phone
 and residential
phone
services
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 America within the period 2001 to 2010 annually.
Overall
, spending on Residential
phone
services
 dramatically decreased over
this
10 years
Correct your spelling
10-year
 period, where the
costing
Replace the word
cost
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
Cell
phone
services
 increased very sharply.
Also
, in 2006 these two elements are met at the same point. In 2001, The expenses on home land phones were so high and it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 around $700,
while
 the
cost
 of
cell
Correct article usage
a cell
show examples
phone
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 only about $200. Over the following five years, the expenditure on residential
phone
services
 gradually dropped
bellow
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
 $600,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 the expense on
cell
phone
services
 rose above $500. After that, in 2006,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both elements reached
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the same place. Meanwhile, in 2007 the
cost
 of land phones stuck and
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
downed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
slowly afterwards.
Finally
,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2010, the expenditure on
cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 reached around $750 and the expense of residential
phone
services
 went down
around
Change preposition
by around
show examples
 $400.
To conclude
,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both phenomenon has a dramatic change over the period.
Overall
, the
cost
 of
cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 is increased,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 the residential
phone
services
cost
 is decreased. score and evaluate it
according to
ielts
Correct your spelling
IELTS
 band 9
Submitted by tanvir0507 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words cost, cell, phone, services with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: