IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph shows average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 to 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where necessary.

The graph shows average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 to 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where necessary.
#expenditures #cell #phone #services #information #features #comparisons
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The graph illustrates the average
cost
Use synonyms
 of
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
 and residential
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 America within the period 2001 to 2010 annually.
Overall
Linking Words
, spending on Residential
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 dramatically decreased over
this
Linking Words
10 years
Correct your spelling
10-year
 period, where the
costing
Replace the word
cost
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
Cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 increased very sharply.
Also
Linking Words
, in 2006 these two elements are met at the same point. In 2001, The expenses on home land phones were so high and it
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 around $700,
while
Linking Words
 the
cost
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
cell
Correct article usage
a cell
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phone
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 only about $200. Over the following five years, the expenditure on residential
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 gradually dropped
bellow
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
 $600,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 the expense on
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 rose above $500. After that, in 2006,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both elements reached
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the same place. Meanwhile, in 2007 the
cost
Use synonyms
 of land phones stuck and
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
downed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
slowly afterwards.
Finally
Linking Words
,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2010, the expenditure on
cell
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 reached around $750 and the expense of residential
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 went down
around
Change preposition
by around
show examples
 $400.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both phenomenon has a dramatic change over the period.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
cost
Use synonyms
 of
cell
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 is increased,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 the residential
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
cost
Use synonyms
 is decreased. score and evaluate it
according to
Linking Words
ielts
Correct your spelling
IELTS
 band 9
Submitted by tanvir0507 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cost, cell, phone, services with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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