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Writing Samples
Band 3

Nowadays some older people choose to live in retirement communities and centres with other people, rather than living with their adult children. What is the reason for this and what are the solutions for this?

#people #retirement #communities #centres #adult #children #reason
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the reason they choose living in
retirement
 centers is, that they decided to live independently and want to live among people of the same age. because some people believe, if they live in the same environment in terms of age they will be happier if they have new friends in their old age
wich
Correct your spelling
which
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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have the same
think
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thing
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, habits, and old stories. the second is, that they thought it would be troublesome for their family. so they decided to live in the
retirement
 centres rather than live with their older children. the third is about memories. when we are getting older we will be getting gloomy and someday remember about the past.
this
 is the reason why they
hard
Correct your spelling
had
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 to leave about the past, especially the good memories. some people won'
t
 leave their hometown and move on to their older children out of town for various reasons
such
 as won'
t
take
Verb problem
apply
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drive too long, they do not like the town and many more so they decide to stay in their home town in
retirement
 centres. the solution is,
we
Correct word choice
that we
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 as children need to keep in touch with our parents, keep talking about what they want and
discussions
Add a missing verb
have discussions
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 about it. if they want to stay in a
retirement
 centre, don'
t
 forget to visit and if they won'
t
 move with us don'
t
 ignore them like
anybodyt
Correct your spelling
anybody
 ignore them like nobody at home
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Coherence & Cohesion
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Coherence & Cohesion
Include a conclusion that summarizes your points and restates your thesis in a different way. Ensure that the conclusion is linked to the introduction to provide a satisfactory closure to the essay.
Task Achievement
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Coherence & Cohesion & Task Achievement
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate linguistic range and accuracy. Avoid repetition of phrases and work on sentence complexity to enrich your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement communities
  • independence
  • burden
  • specialized services
  • healthcare
  • family structures
  • engaged
  • social opportunities
  • financial feasibility
  • government support
  • in-home care services
  • intergenerational
  • workplace policies
  • subsidiary
  • community-based services
  • technology-based solutions
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