IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

News plays an important part of most people´s lives. Why is news so important to people? Why is so much news dedicated to bad news? Should the news focus on good news instead?

#news #part #people´s #lives #people #focus
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Nowadays,
news
have
Verb problem
is
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 a significant part of most
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
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individuals
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individuals'
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 lives, so the
news
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
Change preposition
on
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in
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on
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tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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, papers, magazines ,
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the internet
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internet
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the internet
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 or
socialmedia
Correct your spelling
social media
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at
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in
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at
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 every moment, in every city and country. The
news
are
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is
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 relevant to
people
,
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apply
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 because can know what
are
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is
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happen
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happening
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in
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at
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 the moment with different topics around the
world
 in areas
as
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such as
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 crime, drugs, sports, economics, politics, accidents,
sociallife
Correct your spelling
social life
, etc.
Furthermore
, the
news
 gift
information
 about the real situation in a special moment
Add the comma(s)
, for instance,
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for instance
the
Correct article usage
an
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 accident
in
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on
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 a bus
in
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on
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the
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apply
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route, so
the
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apply
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society
want
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wants
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know
Fix the infinitive
to know
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 what
are happen
Wrong verb form
happened
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with
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in
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this
 accident,
and
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apply
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who are the
people
 inside
in
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apply
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the bus, and if we do not have the
information
, the
people
 can feel
ansious
Correct your spelling
anxious
 because can think that some relatives are inside the bus.
On the other hand
, bad
news
have
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has
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 a lot of publications around the
world
,
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 with crimes or accidents, so
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 have the
tendence
Correct your spelling
tendency
 to see
this
news
 and write about that in special on
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, and
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
 the consequences are bad
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Moreover
, I do not why to
people
 like see
this
 bad
news
 around the
world
, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 programs have a big audience that
people
 like to see
this
 programs,
for example
, the
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 shows that talk about crimes have millions of
people
 that enjoy
this
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 show.
The society
Correct article usage
Society
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,
need
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needs
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 to live in a
world
with
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of
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 peace, and for
that
Add a comma
that,
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 it is important the
news
, and for
that is
 important
the
Correct article usage
apply
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good
information
 with more topics about education, health and economics,
while
 always the
news
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the freedom to
sowh
Correct your spelling
sow
show
 everything but with more focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 good
news
, for
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
a
Remove the article
news
a piece of news
show examples
news
 about the result of students that study a career for be a teacher of
languague
Correct your spelling
language
 in a local school in a rural area. In conclusion, it is essential the
news
 for the earth, but the
news
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to show more good
news
 with
a relevant
Remove the article
relevant information
a piece of relevant information
show examples
information
 about what
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
happen
Change the form of the verb
happening
show examples
 around the
world
.
Submitted by niconoman on

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coherence cohesion
While you have provided an introduction and conclusion, which aligns with the requirements, your essay requires a clearer and more logical structure. Organize your ideas more clearly into paragraphs with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Make sure each paragraph has a logical sequence.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your main points are well-supported with specific examples. While you touched on several relevant areas, providing more specific examples or case studies could improve the effectiveness of your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. You have made an attempt to explain why news is important to people, why there is a focus on bad news, and argued that there should be more good news. However, developing your ideas further and illustrating them with clear examples would improve the completeness of your response.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and development of your ideas. It's important that your essay contains comprehensive ideas that are explained sufficiently. Look to deepen the analysis of each point made and avoid general statements that aren't focused on the essay topic.
coherence cohesion
To improve your writing, use a variety of sentence structures, and pay attention to grammatical accuracy to enhance the readability and professional feel of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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