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Writing Samples
Band 5

Advantages and disadvantages of living in a village. Why do people choose villages for living?

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In recent years, some individuals from cities
are getting
Verb problem
have become
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 interested in living in calm and peaceful
villages
Use synonyms
. There are lots of channels and bloggers around the world who enhance and suggest
people
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this
Linking Words
 lifestyle by their own experience. Despite the popularity of
this
Linking Words
 trend
Add a comma
,
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there are both positive and negative sides of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.The following essay will discuss
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 and disadvantages of
village
Use synonyms
 living. On the one hand
life
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 in a
village
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 involves happiness and
Replace the word
peace
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peaceful
Replace the word
peace
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 most
people
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 lack nowadays.
First,
Linking Words
village
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 inhabitants have
an
Remove the article
apply
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access to grow plants themselves, consume natural products,
keep
Correct word choice
and keep
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 domesticated animals.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
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 a healthy lifestyle will provide them with
long
Add an article
a long
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 and healthy
life
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. First of all,
village
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people
Use synonyms
 enjoy the process of producing goods on their own.
Second,
Linking Words
life
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 in the
village
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more
Add a missing verb
is more
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 peaceful and calm,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 means
village
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 inhabitants will be able to avoid stress and depression.
Third,
Linking Words
people
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 from
villages
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 are more physically diligent because of funny and the same time
challenge
Replace the word
challenging
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 obligations they do on a regular basis. The more physical activities the healthier
people
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.
One
Correct your spelling
On
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 the other hand
village
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 dwellers face distinctive challenges.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the lack of skilled and qualified teachers and doctors in
villages
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 will decrease the quality of
village
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inhabitants
Change noun form
inhabitants'
inhabitant's
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life
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.
As a consequence
Linking Words
 it might be hard enough to get
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
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 future for
village
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 residents
Secondly
Linking Words
, an extremely essential transportation service is not enhanced in
such
Linking Words
 areas.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
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people
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 from
villages
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 tend to have time management problems.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, normally an ordinary
village
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 liver doesn’t
own
Verb problem
have
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 helpful habits
such
Linking Words
 as reading books, being a member of
self –developing
Correct your spelling
self–developing
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 environments,
getting
Correct word choice
and getting
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 acquainted with nice and intelligent
people
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 every day.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
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 they are likely to have a boring
life
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 experience. In summary, nowadays
people
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 are able to have
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
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 and enjoyable
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 with the help of the
Capitalize word
Internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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.
From
Change preposition
In
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 my view
village
Use synonyms
 dwellers should do everything possible to live happily and successfully in spite of the destination they live
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples

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task achievement
The essay introduces the topic well and states the intention to discuss both advantages and disadvantages, which is good for task achievement. However, ensure that your ideas are fully developed and each paragraph presents a clear main idea. Aim for a more detailed development of points to fully address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
You have maintained a logical flow in your essay by discussing the advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs. However, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs for enhanced coherence.
task achievement
While you have provided some examples, aim to include more specific examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and improve task achievement. Avoid general statements and ensure illustrative details are directly relevant to the points you are making.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical errors and aim for clear and accurate sentence structures. Errors can distract from the overall coherence and can impact the reader's understanding of your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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