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Writing Samples
Band 3

the diagram below shows the stages in the recycling of aluminium drinks cans. Summaris the information by selectin and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

the diagram below shows the stages in the recycling of aluminium drinks cans. Summaris the information by selectin and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.
#stages #aluminium #drinks #cans #summaris #information #selectin #features #comparisions
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he
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
 illustration below shows a
water
Use synonyms
 treatment plant in an Australian city that filters and treats
rain
Correct your spelling
rainwater
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water
Use synonyms
 to make it drinking
water
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
rain
Correct your spelling
rainwater
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 is collected from the roofs of houses by a pipe that drains it to the main pipe which links all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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four houses. After collection, it passes through a
water
Use synonyms
 filter used to remove all the impurities
such
Linking Words
 as dust and other waste products and
then
Linking Words
 goes to a large container
were
Correct your spelling
where
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 it is stored before it reaches the
water
Use synonyms
 treatment tank. From the storage place, filtered
water
Use synonyms
 enters a narrow pipe and is collected in the treatment area which has bottles above the tank that release chemicals straight into the
water
Use synonyms
. These chemicals kill bacteria or other microorganisms and
Linking Words
finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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passes
Correct subject-verb agreement
pass
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 up to the tap
that is
Linking Words
 located on the bottom of the first house
were
Correct your spelling
where
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 people can access it.
Submitted by karigaruvimbo on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sustainability
  • Recycling bins
  • Collection centers
  • Sorting
  • Debris
  • Compacting
  • Molten aluminium
  • Purification
  • Ingots
  • Rolled
  • Manufactured
  • Distribution
  • Energy consumption
  • Efficiency
  • Lifecycle
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