IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that mobile phone converstions should be banned in crowded and social places. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Due to
Linking Words
 the advancement of technology, it become very convenient and comfortable for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals to keep in touch with parents and near and dear ones. Some people believe that
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 to make
call
Change the form of the verb
calls
show examples
 should be banned in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public areas.
While
Linking Words
 others
are not agree
Change the verb form
do not agree
show examples
 with the notion and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
also
Linking Words
 believe that all the masses should have
liberty
Add an article
the liberty
show examples
 to
use
Use synonyms
 mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 from anywhere.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, majority of the individuals
use
Use synonyms
 cell
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 during travel, in restaurants and shopping malls
thus
Linking Words
, they make
disturbance
Add an article
a disturbance
show examples
 to others when they talk loudly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
thus
Linking Words
,
other
Correct word choice
and other
show examples
 masses feel uncomfortable and
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 enjoy their leisure time .
Moreover
Linking Words
, sometimes people have private conversations on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 created security issues
as a result
Linking Words
 they
compromised
Wrong verb form
compromise
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
privacy's
Change noun form
privacy
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a person
discuss
Correct subject-verb agreement
discusses
show examples
 their bank details,
important
Correct word choice
and important
show examples
 passwords on
phones
Use synonyms
 as per Bombay News 20%
Change preposition
of scam
show examples
scam
Fix the agreement mistake
scams
show examples
 has been done
while
Linking Words
 on
phone
Use synonyms
 conversations and
has
Correct pronoun usage
this has
show examples
 given great opportunities to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scammers .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I firmly believe that
a cell
Correct the article-noun agreement
cell phones
a cell phone
show examples
phones
Use synonyms
 can
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 in emergency situations and
avoided
Wrong verb form
avoid
show examples
 mishappening to many. They can call for help during difficult
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 from their families and the higher authorities like police and paramedics.
For example
Linking Words
, during accidents , robberies and car theft 90%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 call 911 to avoid disaster to
happened
Change the form of the verb
happen
show examples
.
Futuremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, some have important meetings,
Correct word choice
and classes
show examples
classes
Correct word choice
and classes
show examples
 to attend as they want to change their surroundings and come out
Change preposition
of
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their homes
hence
Linking Words
, they
use
Use synonyms
 headphones to complete their assignments
as a result
Linking Words
 they can
Replace the word
concentrate
show examples
concentration
Replace the word
concentrate
show examples
 on their work which
thrives
Verb problem
improves
show examples
 their positive ideas .
To conclude
Linking Words
, using mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more advantages as compared to disadvantages
thus
Linking Words
 , everyone should
use
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 without any worries to maintain contact
world-wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 in order to flourish their businesses and be in
a safe conditions
Correct the article-noun agreement
a safe condition
safe conditions
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Introduce the topic more clearly, summarizing both views before presenting your own opinion to enhance the introduction's effectiveness.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs for better readability and flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points of the essay and clearly states your opinion, providing a sense of closure.
task achievement
Expand on each point with further explanation or examples to fully satisfy the task response criteria, ensuring that both views are addressed equally before expressing your opinion.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced discussion by exploring the counterarguments to your own opinion to show an understanding of both sides of the issue.
task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed, including the reasons why people may favor banning phone conversations in public and why others oppose the ban, before leading to your opinion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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