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Writing Samples
Band 3

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
#process #sugar #cane
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The
ilustration
Correct your spelling
illustration
 given shows the manufacturing
process
Use synonyms
 from
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
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 to
sugar
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is explicit that there are seven stages in the manufacturing
process
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. It starts with growing
sugar
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cane
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 and ends with drying and cooling.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
sugar
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cane
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 may grow up to 12 to 18 months before the harvest season. When it's already ripe, harvesting
done
Add a missing verb
is done
show examples
 through two different
method
Change to a plural noun
methods
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 which may done by machine or manually
harvested
Verb problem
apply
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.
Then
Linking Words
, the production
process
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 ends with crushing
sugar
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cane
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 to extract its juice.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the juice will be
transfer
Wrong verb form
transferred
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 to
limestone
Correct article usage
a limestone
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 filter to enter the purifying
process
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.
Next,
Linking Words
the juice enters the evaporator to create syrup out of it. In order to obtain
sugar
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crystal
Fix the agreement mistake
crystals
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 from the syrup
then
Linking Words
 it needs
Correct article usage
a centifuge
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centifuge
Correct your spelling
centrifuge
process
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. The cycle of manufacturing
sugar
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then
Linking Words
 ends with drying and cooling the
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystal.
Submitted by zefanyagyu on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sugar, cane with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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