In modern society, fashion is becoming more and more popular in people’s choice of clothes. Why? Do you think it is positive development or negative development?

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In
this
modern era, the
fashion
industry has been revolutionising as compared to the past.
In these
Change preposition
These
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days,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fashion
is quite renowned
also
the individual's preference
due to
the
advert
Fix the agreement mistake
adverts
show examples
and technology. I think it is a positive development and
this
essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
with,
people
have more
fashion
sense through watching advertisements.
Everyday
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Every day
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new
fashion
dresses
are introduced by the
fashion
designers that humankind like to buy and wear new trendy
cloths
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clothes
show examples
like their favourite actors and actresses.
For example
, numerous
fashion
shops introduced
by
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apply
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their new designs through
fashion
shows and when famous
person
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people
show examples
wear
that
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them
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. Needless to say, mankind likes to wear updated new
dresses
in order to they have to enhance their beauty and
confident
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confidence
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by
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with
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this
kind of
cloth
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clothing
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.
Moreover
,
fashion
trendy
dresses
bring more benefits to the government like taxes. These days
prople's
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people's
consumerism
Add a missing verb
has increase
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increase
Replace the word
increased
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, so they purchase frequently clothes even if not
any
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on any
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special occasions, and
as a result
,
garments
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garment
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owners get more profits and they would pay more taxes amount interns
of
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on
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how much amounts they earn from
this
.
For instance
, Indian
fashion
designers
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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opened
small
Add an article
a small
the small
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and big
boutique
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boutiques
show examples
, so
people
have a chance to wear new trendy
dresses
with
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at
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a reasonable prices
Correct the article-noun agreement
reasonable prices
a reasonable price
show examples
like
Replace the word
as
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famous and rich
people
wear.
Besides
, technology
also
assistes
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assists
assisted
to
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in
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being
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
fashion
sense
to
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in
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people
.
Hence
, indeed it is a positive development.
To conclude
,
fashion
is famous around the world and
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the human's
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human's
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human
show examples
sense of
fashion
also
increased
due to
advertisements and technology
along with
it
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apply
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increases
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in peoples'
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peoples'
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people's
show examples
consumerism.
Therefore
, I think it is a positive development because
of
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apply
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the government get more taxes from the garment owners and it brings more confidence to the individuals.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the task directly. Your essay should include not only the reasons why fashion has become popular but also explicitly discuss whether this is a positive or negative development, with balanced arguments for both where appropriate.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas clearly and logically. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and arguments. Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that this idea is expanded upon with relevant details.
Task Achievement
Provide clear and relevant examples to support your points. Instead of providing general or hypothetical examples, give specific instances demonstrating the trends you discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on developing coherence within and between paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within sentences and across paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
Refine the clarity of your ideas by expanding on how fashion affects individuals and society, ensuring that you always link back to the question. This can be achieved by discussing both sides of the development and drawing a more nuanced conclusion.
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