IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. You are due to start a new job next week but you will not be able to because you have some problems. Write a letter to your new employer. In your letter • explain your situation • describe your problems • tell him/her when you think you can start. You should write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write your own address.

#minutes #job #week #employer #situation #address
Dear Sir, My name is Yudhveer, and I am
due to
 start a new manager's job at your company on
1st
Correct article usage
the 1st
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 of January,
however
, I want to inform you that I will not
able
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be able
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 to start as we agreed. My
visa
 is on hold
due to
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the absense
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absense
Correct your spelling
absence
 of some documents,
therefore
, I will not make it on time as I planned. It is going to take
couple
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a couple
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 of months to process
such
 documents and get
visa
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a visa
the visa
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. The main problem was that my passport
got
Verb problem
apply
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expired
last
 month and I was not aware
about
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of
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 it. Now,
i
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I
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 have applied for
new
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a new
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 passport, which is going to take around twenty days. The best that happened
that
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was that
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 the immigration did not decline my
visa
 application and gave me
month
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a month
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 to resubmit
passport
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my passport
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. After
that
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that,
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 I can resume
visa
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the visa
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 process. I will able to start as you as I reach Canada and I am eager to work with your company as I have already
prepare
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prepared
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 some plans to take it to the next level. I will keep you updated on the process. Thank you for taking it into consideration. Kind Regards Yudhveer
Submitted by yudhveer4890 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a single, clear idea. The opening paragraph could be enhanced by more clearly stating your position and your employer's expectation. Then, segregate each problem distinctly in its own paragraph.
Task Achievement
While the letter successfully communicates the delay in starting the job, elaborating on your problems with more detail will enhance clarity. For example, explain the reasons for the absence of the required documents and how you are addressing the passport issue beyond the brief mention.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure is generally good, but could be improved by using a clear introductory sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to signal its main focus.
Task Achievement
Formal greetings and closings are appropriately used, signaling a suitable tone for the letter. However, work on the consistency of formality throughout the letter for a more polished result.
Task Achievement
Taking care to avoid casual phrases and maintaining a professional tone throughout the letter will make your writing more suitable for formal communication.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • apologies
  • commencement date
  • postpone
  • urgent matters
  • documentation
  • commitment
  • flexibility
  • adjustments
  • reassurance
  • eager to contribute
  • rectify the situation
  • feasible start date
  • collaboration
  • understanding
  • mitigate
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