It costs a lot of money for a country to host an international sports event, such as the Olympic Games or football World Cup. Some people think that this is a waste of money, while others believe the opposite. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays,
sports
activities are one of the cultures of each
country
, and it requires a considerable amount of
money
to construct and advertise. There is some debate about whether much of that
money
was wasted. I strongly believe that it is necessary to hold
sports
competitions. The first reason is that holding
sports
events needs a sizable sum of
money
, and it can
be made
Verb problem
cause
show examples
a considerable amount of problems for countries that have weak finances.
In addition
, it can be the cause of a lower standard of living for
citizens
.
For instance
, all the amount of
money
spent for the World Cup was located in taxes from
citizens
, which
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
to
held
Change the verb
hold
show examples
more and more
sports
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
, taxes can be higher than previously.
As a result
, that thing
make
Verb problem
is
show examples
harmful to weak countries.
On the other hand
,
sports
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
can update the situation for
this
country
in many services. The reason is that it can help attract the attention of
citizens
all over the world through advertisement and marketing.
For example
, some benefits like agriculture, economy, tourism, and environment. There are many tourists
can
Correct pronoun usage
who can
show examples
help increase income for local shops and restaurants, which means upgrading the income of
citizens
of that
country
.
As a consequence
, investing
money
in
sports
events can help advertise
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
to all of the world. In conclusion, I firmly argue that spending a sizable of sum
money
on
sports
events is a beneficial method to advertise the
country
.
Submitted by hoaan2409 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay discusses the topic, but the points made need to be clearer and better exemplified. Providing specific examples and statistics would enhance the task response score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay could benefit from better logical structuring and connecting your ideas. Aim to use cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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