The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram illustrates a series of steps in
production
Add an article
the production
show examples
of
sugar
from the
sugar
cane.
Overall
, it can clearly be seen there are 7 processes involved in the making of
sugar
.
First,
the
sugar
canes in the field need 12-18 months to grow. After the
sugar
canes settle, farmers will crop the plants. There are two
mechanism
Change to a plural noun
mechanisms
show examples
that they can use, the first one by use
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
tractor and the second one by use
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
tool.
Consequently
, with the crushing machine,
juice
is made from
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
.
Next,
the
juice
moves to the limestone filter and
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
purified. The
juice
will go to the boiling tubes with enough heat,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
juice
becomes syrup,
this
step
known
Add a missing verb
is known
show examples
as evaporation. In the making of
sugar
, there is a centrifuge that will
separates
Change the verb form
separate
show examples
crystal from
syrup
Add an article
the syrup
show examples
.
Finally
, after a long journey,
sugar
Correct article usage
the sugar
show examples
crystal will move into a container that will dry and cool until
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
sugar
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, juice with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "moves" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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