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Band 2

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

#countries #home #people #be #case #situation
In some nations, being a
house
 owner is
very
Rephrase
more
show examples
 important than being a
house
 renter. I think
this
 is because
people
 in society will be more accepting
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 who have their own property. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will illustrate why I believe
owning
Change preposition
in owning
show examples
 a home rather than renting one. In my opinion, the main reason for
house
 ownership is the social status.
For instance
, many
people
 in Thailand purchase houses to announce their financial status.
Because nowadays
Correct word choice
Nowadays
show examples
,
house
 prices are extremely expensive. That means a person who are lower middle class
wages
Fix the agreement mistake
wage
show examples
 could not afford it even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 must have borrowed large amounts of money.
Although
 earning a good living place as
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
people
 expected. It does not help
people
 get a happier and better life. They still have to pay dent every month which is the negative side. In conclusion, I think
people
own
Wrong verb form
owning
show examples
 a
house
 is one reason to display how much money they have and they are they are in
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 class which
is maybe increasing
Wrong verb form
may increase
show examples
 their unhappy life because of the mortgage payment.
Submitted by Poookiiee on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic, but it could be more fully developed. Make sure to provide a balanced view on why home ownership might be important, considering not only social status but also other possible reasons such as security, investment, or cultural values. Expand your main points with more detailed explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
You should work on the structure of your essay. It's important to have a clear introduction stating what you will discuss, followed by body paragraphs that each contain a main idea supported by examples or explanations, and a conclusion that summarizes your points and restates your opinion. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between sentences more effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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