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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement- making process , and how cement us used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement- making process , and how cement us used to produce concrete for building purposes.
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The diagrams illustrate the stages and equipment used in
cement
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 and concrete
production
Use synonyms
. I will explain
this
Linking Words
production
Use synonyms
 process in the following paragraphs in detail.
Overall
Linking Words
, the manufacturing of
cement
Use synonyms
 consists of various tools
such
Linking Words
 as a mixer, rotating heater, crusher and grinder
whereas
Linking Words
 four materials are used for concrete
production
Use synonyms
. To start, in
cement
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
production
Add a comma
production,
show examples
 the process starts with limestone and clay
begin
Verb problem
being
show examples
 crushed and transformed into powder and later it passes to a rotating heater through a mixer.
Powder
Add an article
The powder
show examples
 is mixed and heated,
then
Linking Words
 a grinder is used to make
cement
Use synonyms
 from the heated powder. Those
cement
Use synonyms
 powders are packed in bags for future use. Next is concrete manufacturing , in concrete manufacture different materials are used to produce
cement
Use synonyms
, including
cement
Use synonyms
 15%, 25% of sand ,50% of gravel which is small stones and 10% of water are put into the concrete mixer and
then
Linking Words
 it
finally
Linking Words
 produced end product which is concrete.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cement, production with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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