IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement- making process , and how cement us used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement- making process , and how cement us used to produce concrete for building purposes.
The diagrams illustrate the stages and equipment used in
cement
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 and concrete
production
Use synonyms
. I will explain
this
Linking Words
production
Use synonyms
 process in the following paragraphs in detail.
Overall
Linking Words
, the manufacturing of
cement
Use synonyms
 consists of various tools
such
Linking Words
 as a mixer, rotating heater, crusher and grinder
whereas
Linking Words
 four materials are used for concrete
production
Use synonyms
. To start, in
cement
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
production
Add a comma
production,
show examples
 the process starts with limestone and clay
begin
Verb problem
being
show examples
 crushed and transformed into powder and later it passes to a rotating heater through a mixer.
Powder
Add an article
The powder
show examples
 is mixed and heated,
then
Linking Words
 a grinder is used to make
cement
Use synonyms
 from the heated powder. Those
cement
Use synonyms
 powders are packed in bags for future use. Next is concrete manufacturing , in concrete manufacture different materials are used to produce
cement
Use synonyms
, including
cement
Use synonyms
 15%, 25% of sand ,50% of gravel which is small stones and 10% of water are put into the concrete mixer and
then
Linking Words
 it
finally
Linking Words
 produced end product which is concrete.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cement, production with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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