Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this a positive or negative development?
Nowadays,
children
spend more hours on their smartphones
per day. In these newly developed countries, children
have started to spend their time
on smartphones
and they are not aware of their studies. It has both positive and negative development. I will explain this
in the following paragraphs with some examples to make clear.
Firstly
, I will explain the positive side. Some children
start to use mobile phones and they update their knowledge by themselves. Nowadays, school going
Add a hyphen
school-going
children
have to use smartphones
as their assignments and daily homework are updated on mobiles because of advanced technology. In this
world, younger kids have started to use mobile at an early age. For example
, my cousin’s daughter is 5 years old, she has started to watch rhymes on YouTube. Then
, some schools and colleges started to update the daily work ,assignments and study material in Google classroom
, Myklassroom and soCapitalize word
Classroom
.
So, everyone spends Rephrase
on.
time
on smartphones
.
Secondly
, it has a negative development also
. As every child, spends their time
for
education purposes, some Change preposition
on
children
may misuse the time
on smartphones
. They may start to do unwanted issues without knowing the parents
. So, parents
should be aware of their children
what are doing and parents
should keep on asking them. They should not allow children
to spend more time
on smartphones
. If they are pulled into some unwanted videos or some unwanted problems that may lead to some serious issues. For example
, school students are getting into trouble and they are making the wrong decision, to make themselves attempt suicide. Parents
and teachers should restrict the children
no to spending more time
on smartphones
.
In conclusion, it has a positive side and a negative side. Using smartphones
is good for educational purposes and it has negative development too that committing suicide if they are in trouble.Submitted by insighttribez on
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Grammar
Ensure consistency in the tense used throughout the essay to maintain coherence. Shifts from past to present tense can be confusing for the reader.
Cohesion
To improve cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively (e.g., however, therefore, additionally, on the other hand).
Development
Develop your main points further with more specific details and examples. This will help strengthen your argument and make your ideas clearer.
Task Response
Address the task more directly by offering a more balanced view on both sides of the argument. Clearly state whether the development is largely positive or negative and explain why.
Task Response
Avoid general statements without support. Try to provide evidence or a brief explanation for your claims to make your essay more persuasive.
Conclusion
For your conclusion, summarise the main points more effectively, ensuring that you clearly state your own view on whether you believe it to be a positive or negative development.
Paragraphing
Use paragraphs to structure your essay effectively. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea and be followed by support or examples.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite