IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the best way to reduce the time that people spend travelling to work is to have large roads that go through the city centre. Others however, think that there are more effective ways to reduce the time people spend travelling to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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An efficient way, thought by some individuals to reduce the
time
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 of travelling to the workplace is extending the
roads
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 of
city
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the city
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.
Whereas
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according to
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 other masses, there are some other steps which might be more beneficial in
this
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 regard. I personally believe that
,
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apply
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 only road
extension
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 would not be sufficient to solve
this
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 issue
instead
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 other steps should
also
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 the taken into consideration.
To begin
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 with, narrow
roads
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 are not capable of holding a lot of
traffic
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 at the same
time
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especially
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, especially
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 in the peak hours which consequences
people
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 losing their valuable
time
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 in the street. Most importantly, that leads to mental stress
while
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 going to the office.
Therefore
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, if
roads
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 get extended
this
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problem
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 might be solved because
then
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roads
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 can bear a significant amount of
traffic
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 and mitigate
traffic
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 jams which would help
people
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 to reach in
time
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.
For instance
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, after the
extension
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 of
roads
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 in India, around 40% of
traffic
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 jams have been solved and
people
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 say they are now capable of reaching work on
time
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.
However
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, I personally believe that road
extension
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 is not the only way of encountering
this
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problem
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. The government and other responsible authorities should find some other measures to tackle it. More specifically,
roads
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 should not only be extended but
also
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 more new
roads
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 should be constructed to solve it. Reducing the number of vehicles on the road may be another effective way of minimizing it. In Bangladesh,
for example
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, numerous flyovers have been built to reduce the travel
time
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 to the workplace and that results in a remarkable benefit.
People
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 are taking the main
roads
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 towards the city
along with
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 the flyovers and that has minimized the
traffic
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 problems
up
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by up
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 to 60%.
To conclude
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, the
traffic
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problem
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 during working hours is a burning issue and only the
extension
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 of
roads
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 is not enough to solve it, rather it is required to solve
this
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problem
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 by thinking about several measures.

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Task Achievement
To enhance your Task Achievement score, ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Look to expand your examples with more detail and how they explicitly link to the reduction in travel time.
Task Achievement
Work on developing clear and comprehensive ideas by expanding on your points, explaining the rationale and implications, and providing more in-depth analysis to support your arguments.
Task Achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. These examples should be detailed and directly linked to the issue being discussed to illustrate your points effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your logical structure, create more clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to aid the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear, directly address the question, and succinctly summarize your main points and opinion. Your conclusion should reflect on the arguments presented without introducing new information.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your main points with supporting details and connect them back to your overall argument. This helps in maintaining coherence throughout the essay.
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