IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People living in large cites today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?

#people #face #life #governments #move #towns
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It is believed that some individuals who live in big towns
face
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 many
problems
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 every day. These
problems
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such
Linking Words
 as finding a livable space and earning enough
money
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.
Governments
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 should
support
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people
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 to relocate to smaller regional areas.
Firstly
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, earning enough wages is not easy in big
cities
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.
Secondly
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,
due to
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 their small earnings, they are not able to find good places to live.
In addition
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, when
cities
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 have big populations, surviving is hard compared to small
cities
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. Sometimes
people
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's preferred jobs or living areas can be the ones they are not happy with.
For example
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, when I used to live in Istanbul, I could not get enough
money
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 from my job. Because there was high competition, employers could easily find someone to work with who
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 willing to accept less
money
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 than I accepted.
For
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this
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 reason, I could not find a better place to live because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
money
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.
Thus
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, managing life is hard in these
cities
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 as
people
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face
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 many
problems
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. By and large,
governments
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 have to inspire
people
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 to move to smaller towns who struggle in big
cities
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.
Governments
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 have the responsibility to look after their citizen and their happiness when they
face
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 a number of
problems
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. If
governments
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support
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 citizens to relocate to other smaller regions, they can
face
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 smaller issues.
For instance
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,
according to
Linking Words
 Sydney NSW reports, the reports indicate that
people
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 who get
support
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 from the government to start a new life in small regions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
are happier than before.
Moreover
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,
governments
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 should find a job and a place when they move.
Hence
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, it is essential that get
support
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 from the government. In conclusion, It is claimed that
people
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 who live in big
cities
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 have more
problems
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 than others. Getting a good place
for living
Change preposition
to live
show examples
 and earning a good salary are the biggest issues that
people
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face
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.
Governments
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 must inspire
people
Use synonyms
 to move to smaller regions with
support
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by matillazeyrek on

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task achievement
Your essay addressed the general topic but needed more developed ideas and examples to thoroughly cover the task. Ensure each paragraph thoroughly explores its main point with clear, specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and ensure a smooth flow throughout your essay. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points. Both should be distinct and impactful, giving your essay strong framing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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