It is important for children to learn differences between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disywith this option? What sort of punishment should paryand teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

It is widely argued that teaching good manners to children at
initial
Add an article
the initial
show examples
stage of
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
age is highly needed. Some even believe that optimal measures should be taken to make sure they understand
this
concept.
According to
my perspective, I strongly agree with
this
point of view. In these
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
show examples
I will discuss some reasons to support my agreement and
also
I will explain
regarding
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some methods which can be used in homes and schools.
To begin
with, children's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
and
sole
Fix the agreement mistake
soles
show examples
are like wet clay,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
can be molded very easily and in
desired
Change the article
the desired
show examples
shape.
For example
, showing young people what is right and wrong will make
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
understand which path they have to follow. Some schools in Korea teach children to clean
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
classroom
Fix the agreement mistake
classrooms
show examples
and
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
corridor
Fix the agreement mistake
corridors
show examples
from very early stages,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
shown beneficial in
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
later
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
.
Where as
Correct your spelling
Whereas
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
schools in the United States have given much leisure time to
school going
Add a hyphen
school-going
show examples
students
as a result
they are very prone to get into
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
stuff very easily.
However
, some means of
punishments
Fix the agreement mistake
punishment
show examples
can be taken by
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
guardians and teachers. One of the effective
measure
Change to a plural noun
measures
show examples
is seen by giving them benefits for doing good
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
and taking some needful items when following a wrong path. Studies have shown that parents who follow
this
method have had a successful percentage of growing a humble human. Another way for teachers could be by providing stars or treats like chocolates,
this
will create
self
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
learning environment and will become
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
daily habit. In conclusion, it is extremely necessary for parents
as well as
school teachers to make sure the future of the world
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
on
rightful
Correct word choice
the right
show examples
path and appropriate methods should be taken to ensure
this
.
Submitted by sharjeel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear stance, but to increase the score in coherence and cohesion, make sure you structure your paragraphs effectively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and a logical sequence of sentences supporting that idea. Aim for a more systematic approach to presenting your arguments, using topic sentences and cohesive devices like linking words.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, it's key to address all parts of the prompt. You've given your opinion and some examples but ensure that you're fully answering both questions, including the different types of punishment and their appropriateness. Expanding on these elements will provide a more complete response and clearer, more comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
To make your main points more convincing, use more detailed and specific examples relevant to the topic. These can illustrate your arguments and bring a degree of specificity that helps examiners see that you understand the topic in depth. Avoid generalized statements and aim to demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the issues at hand.
coherence cohesion
Be aware of grammar mistakes and typos such as 'there' instead of 'their', and maintain consistency in verb tenses to enhance the clarity of your writing. Regular practice and proofreading can significantly improve these issues.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: