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Band 5

Many people use social media to keep in touch with each other every day. Do you think the advantages of such communication outweigh disadvantages?

#people #media #touch #communication
In the modern era, more
sicieties
Correct your spelling
societies
 contact their families and
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 every day by
mans
Correct your spelling
means
show examples
 of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
This
 issue has a lot of upsides including communicating
your
Change preposition
with your
show examples
 relatives
anyrime
Correct your spelling
anytime
 and anywhere and of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
 it has caused some problems but I think its advantages fully outweigh its disadvantages which I'm going to explain more about in the rest of
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, advocates of using social media to contact relatives tout its many advantages. Technology has brought us the capability to be in touch with each other anytime we wish. Previously,
people
 could talk to their families
jut
Correct your spelling
just
show examples
 at certain times of
month
Add an article
the month
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, members of a family can call each other any part of the day which can strengthen the bond between
people
.
For example
, a survey in 2020 indicates that members of
Correct article usage
the communiy
show examples
communiy
Correct your spelling
community
 are conscious
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each other and
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
love
eath
Correct your spelling
each
show examples
 other in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 town
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Denmak
Correct your spelling
Denmark
 compared to a decade ago.
Additionally
, technology has eliminated the distance between individuals and they can keep in touch
while
 they're
thousands
Add the preposition
thousands of
show examples
 miles away from each other. My uncle,
for example
, resides in the US and other parts of my family live in Iran. Despite
this
 long distance between us, we call him every two or three
night
Fix the agreement mistake
nights
show examples
 which can keep our relationship strong. Despite all the benefits of virtual communication, It has some critics too. Virtual meetings can reduce visiting each other which can weaken our friendship with other
people
. Touching friends and family members can stimulate a part of
brain
Add an article
the brain
show examples
 that releases dopamine hormone which makes us happy.
Therefore
, social media can make us more depressed.
In addition
, some hackers misuse these situations and steal a lot of information that sometimes can destroy the lives of individuals.
For example
, in 2022, there was a hacker in
Whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
show examples
 that could steal
information
Correct article usage
the information
show examples
 of
thousands
Add the preposition
thousands of
show examples
people
 and
thus
, put their whole lives at risk.
To conclude
, using social media to talk to buddies and relatives has
got
Verb problem
become
show examples
 more prevalent in recent years. Even with some of its
drawwbacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
, I still think it is a positive development but we shouldn't use it a lot and devote some of our time to
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
oour
Correct your spelling
our
your
kins
Fix the agreement mistake
kin
show examples
.
Submitted by yasinkooshki13866 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay to avoid typographical errors and spelling mistakes. Consistent and correct English usage is essential for a higher score in coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by organizing ideas more clearly. Use linking words effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand on your supporting points with more detailed and relevant examples. This will better illustrate your arguments and help accomplish the task more completely.
task achievement
Although you presented a clear opinion, strive to develop ideas fully and balance the discussion of both advantages and disadvantages. Ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the prompt.
task achievement
Avoid overly general statements and include more specific details to support your argument. Specificity helps in providing a well-rounded response to the task.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Connectivity
  • Networking
  • Real-time
  • Communities
  • Cyberbullying
  • Accessibility
  • Privacy
  • Misinformation
  • Mental health
  • Productivity
  • Geographical distances
  • Professional connections
  • Awareness
  • Exchange of ideas
  • Data theft
  • Trolling
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Fake news
  • Procrastination
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