ou should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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There is more pressure these days on young adults to be successful in
education
. I disagree to a greater degree with the notion that non-academic subject
Change the noun form
subjects
such
as physical education
and cookery should be not involved in the school syllabus so that kids can direct their effort
on academic work. Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
However
, i
agree with the statement to Change the capitalization
I
lesser
Add an article
a lesser
extent
.
Non-academic subjects
such
as cookery and physical education
are of more importance in every child's life to a greater extent
even though they are not useful for succeeding academically. Physical education
can help improve the overall
wellbeing
of Correct your spelling
well-being
students
. Whenever students
engage in physical activities like exercising, for
example
it will help decrease their blood pressure and glucose levels Add the comma(s)
example,
as a result
reducing the likelihood of acquiring such
diseases in the future. Moreover
, cookery subject can help prepare children for real life
situations, Add a hyphen
real-life
for example
when a child is left alone at home he or she can just cook for him or herself.
However
, to a lesser extent
these Add a comma
extent,
subjects
are not necessarily important for those children who want to succeed academically. Some children don't like cooking and physical education
because of some other reasons, to illustrate a child might have chronic diseases such
as asthma therefore
they find it hard to engage in physical activities as they
it can worsen their condition. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Therefore
,doing such
subjects
for students
who are oriented in
achieving academic success is Change preposition
toward
time wasting
.
In conclusion, Add a hyphen
time-wasting
i
disagree with the notion that Change the capitalization
I
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
should be removed from the school syllabus as some students
are interested in them, but however
to a lesser Add a comma
however,
extent
they are not of importance for Add a comma
extent,
students
who are focused with
academic success. They should be not completely removed but Change preposition
on
students
should have freedom
to choose whether to do them or notAdd an article
the freedom
Submitted by karigaruvimbo on
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coherence cohesion
Focus on developing a clear logical structure; your essay should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion with each paragraph focused on a single main idea. Use linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly addresses the question, stating your main point of view. In the body, enhance the main points with detailed examples and explanations, and make sure the conclusion effectively summarises your view without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure you address all parts of the prompt comprehensively. Provide specific examples and details to support your arguments. Show the examiner you have considered different perspectives before concluding with your reasoned position.
task achievement
Your conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position clearly without introducing new arguments. Make sure it aligns with the arguments presented in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a broader range of vocabulary and sentence structures to clearly express nuances in your argument. Aim for accuracy and variety in your language to convey your ideas more effectively.