IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

ou should spend about 40 minutes on this task. There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is more pressure these days on young adults to be successful in
education
Use synonyms
. I disagree to a greater degree with the notion that non-academic
subject
Change the noun form
subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as physical
education
Use synonyms
 and cookery should be not involved in the school syllabus so that kids can direct their
effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
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 on academic work.
However
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with the statement to
lesser
Add an article
a lesser
show examples
extent
Use synonyms
. Non-academic
subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as cookery and physical
education
Use synonyms
 are of more importance in every child's life to a greater
extent
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 even though they are not useful for succeeding academically. Physical
education
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 can help improve the
overall
Linking Words
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 of
students
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. Whenever
students
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 engage in physical activities like exercising,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
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 it will help decrease their blood pressure and glucose levels
as a result
Linking Words
 reducing the likelihood of acquiring
such
Linking Words
 diseases in the future.
Moreover
Linking Words
, cookery subject can help prepare children for
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
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 situations,
for example
Linking Words
 when a child is left alone at home he or she can just cook for him or herself.
However
Linking Words
, to a lesser
Use synonyms
extent
Add a comma
extent,
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 these
subjects
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 are not necessarily important for those children who want to succeed academically. Some children don't like cooking and physical
education
Use synonyms
 because of some other reasons, to illustrate a child might have chronic diseases
such
Linking Words
 as asthma
therefore
Linking Words
 they find it hard to engage in physical activities as
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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it can worsen their condition.
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,doing
such
Linking Words
subjects
Use synonyms
 for
students
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 who are oriented
in
Change preposition
toward
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 achieving academic success is
time wasting
Add a hyphen
time-wasting
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. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 disagree with the notion that
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 should be removed from the school syllabus as some
students
Use synonyms
 are interested in them, but
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 to a lesser
Use synonyms
extent
Add a comma
extent,
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 they are not of importance for
students
Use synonyms
 who are focused
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 academic success. They should be not completely removed but
students
Use synonyms
 should have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to choose whether to do them or not

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coherence cohesion
Focus on developing a clear logical structure; your essay should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion with each paragraph focused on a single main idea. Use linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly addresses the question, stating your main point of view. In the body, enhance the main points with detailed examples and explanations, and make sure the conclusion effectively summarises your view without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure you address all parts of the prompt comprehensively. Provide specific examples and details to support your arguments. Show the examiner you have considered different perspectives before concluding with your reasoned position.
task achievement
Your conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position clearly without introducing new arguments. Make sure it aligns with the arguments presented in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a broader range of vocabulary and sentence structures to clearly express nuances in your argument. Aim for accuracy and variety in your language to convey your ideas more effectively.
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